Lent

I was raised Catholic, but I'm not a super religious person, nor do I necessarily subscribe to all of the teachings of the Catholic church. I've mentioned my "Search for a Church" before, and since I've been training for a half-marathon relay (to be run in approximately five days), I haven't made much headway on the search.

Buuutttttttt ... today is Ash Wednesday. And for reasons that are based more in family tradition than anything, that means that today I have "fasted" - only having three meals, which might not be drastic for some, but I'm a snacker, so this is keeping me in line. I also haven't had meat today, and my meals will be meatless on all Fridays during Lent. I've found that the way people observe Ash Wednesday and Good Friday vary based on family tradition, geography and other factors, but this is the way my family has done it for as long as I can remember.

Last year, I didn't give anything up for Lent because I was pregnant and felt I had already given up most of my vices :) Coffee, soda, wine - all gone. I didn't fast on Ash Wednesday or Good Friday because I could only handle small meals at that point, and I gladly went meatless on Fridays because I had a major slight addiction to McDonald's Filet o' Fish sandwiches.

This year, I was torn. Tim points out that I'm not really a practicing Catholic. But I think my grandmother's declining health has really made those Lenten family traditions - of which she has been a major part - mean a lot to me this year, and as today approached, I prepared to fast, go meatless and give up something.

I know a lot of people don't give something up, but rather vow to do something, like compliment someone once a day, do a nice deed, be more patient, etc. I've thought about doing that, but to be honest, I don't feel like I could commit to and follow through with something like that to better myself on a consistent basis. 

Maybe it is those years of giving up candy, TV and pop, but I still feel that giving something up has a much bigger impact on my life. I feel the sacrifice. I remember the reason. This year, I will be reminded of what I am doing, and why, every time I turn down candy (thus extending my March-long ban on the yummy goodness) or cookies (and considering I bake a lot for the blog and have been eating lactation cookies like it is my job, this is going to be hard).

I think God is having a little fun at my expense. Today I walked in to work and found a big bowl of peanut M&Ms. No dice. Then a coworker came back about two hours later with a plate full of oatmeal and cranberry cookies. Double fail.

Lent, you are going to be a long, hard-fought 40 days. Game on.

Sacrifice.

Ohhhhh, so sad. This is my beloved KitchenAid, wondering why I haven't used it for the last two weeks.

For Lent this year, I had no idea what to give up. I've basically cut pop out of my diet, so that wasn't much of a sacrifice. I'm not allowed to give up work (something about it not being a sacrifice and me needing a paycheck or something). Tim suggested coffee, but I really have to wonder what kind of pain he wants me to endure - I need caffeine of some kind, and I need my morning cup o' joe. TV is out of the question because watching TV is usually the most time TIm and I get to spend together on the days we work. So Tim mentioned baking and I thought about it.

*sniff*

I've given up baking for Lent. There, I said it.

Baking is not just something I do to create sugary goodness. It is a primary stress reliever and a way of bringing joy to my life on a rough, chaotic day. This is forcing me to figure out ways to cope when I would usually turn to Betty Crocker and her trusty frosting friend Duncan Hines. I've gone to the grocery store during the last two weeks without "vegetable oil" or "chocolate chips" on my list. The cookie mix I've kept in the cupboard for a last-minute birthday treat for someone at work? It'll stay there until Lent is over.

When Tim told his coworkers of my resolution, they wanted to know why they were being punished. (They are often the recipients of my "just because" baked goods.) But really, this is a Lenten sacrifice that I am constantly aware of. I always figured I was better off without pop, so in that way, I was doing my body a favor during Lent. Or candy, but I really don't eat all that much candy now, and it wouldn't have been much of a sacrifice. But every time I look at sugar on the shelf or notice that I've got cake mixes that are crying out for attention, I think about what I've given up - a comfort device - and really think about the meaning of Lent. I know it sounds corny, but this is one of the most significant personal Lenten observances I can remember.