Breastfeeding, round II

Going in to my second pregnancy, I had no doubt that I would breastfeed. I knew it might not be easy, but I'm stubborn and figured I'd hope for the best. I decided I'd aim for the one-year mark again and hoped to follow a course similar to my breastfeeding journey with Elle.

Within days of Wesley's birth, however, I wondered if I was putting too much pressure on myself (it would not be the first time, and I'll admit right now that breastfeeding Elle for 13 months is a huge source of pride for me - I was definitely holding myself to those same standards with Wesley). Between hormones and early latch issues, the first few weeks of his life included several moments of questioning my initial goals and receiving carefully worded "permission" from my OB to give up my assumption that Wesley would receive breast milk only for the first 12 months of his life. My OB stressed the benefits that just six weeks of exclusive nursing provided to both Wesley and I. Tim and I discussed the options. And I decided to continue nursing, with a mini-goal of three months, then four months, on my horizon. (FYI: It's much easier to think about pumping for a few months rather than put a heavy "YEAR" expectation on yourself.)

Nursing Wesley has definitely gotten easier with time. At first, his initially stellar latch turned to a shallow, painful latch that had me wincing with every feeding. After my milk came in, though, it got better and continued to improve. By the time he was about a month old, I wasn't experiencing pain every time he ate, and his growth indicated that he was definitely getting enough milk.

"When's dinner, Ma?"

At about that same time, we introduced the bottle, which meant that I started pumping again. During those first few weeks, I pumped once, during the morning, on days that I had time to fit a pumping session in between his meals. It took two or three tries, but he eventually took to the bottle with no problem, and we established a good idea of how much he needed in each bottle (3-4 ounces at the time, which is now a definitive 4-preferably-4.5 ounces). I was able to freeze a small amount of milk, and when I returned to work, I planned to nurse whenever possible, pumping twice while at the office and pray that I could keep up with his demands.

Things in general are waaayyyy different this time around. When I was nursing Elle, I left for work around 3 p.m. and returned home around 1 a.m. I was lucky to be able to actually nurse her for almost every feeding except usually two, which meant I only needed to leave two bottles. I ended up with more frozen milk than I needed, and I was able to donate more than 400 ounces to other mothers in need of breast milk for their little ones. I pumped twice a day - once during my shift and once on my drive home (yes, I had quite a hook up that allowed me to pump hands-free while I drove safely, haha).

This recent photo of Elle is just to show that she's a stellar eater.

This time, I leave for work by 8 a.m. and leave at 5 p.m. I miss 3-4 feedings, so I'm trying to supply 3-4 bottles on any given day. While my supply is decent, it's still a challenge to keep up with demand. I take two pump breaks, usually one around 10:30 and the other around 2:30 p.m. Initially, I was getting just enough to keep up with Wesley's needs. But now I'm definitely short and almost always need another pump session before I go to bed to make sure he has enough for the next day. I try to freeze any extra milk that I have, but for the last several weeks, there hasn't been any extra to speak of. Things at work are getting busier, and it's getting harder for me to take the breaks - it's stressing me out to try to make sure I "schedule" them in.

I know I complained about my "pumping prison" when I nursed Elle, but that was a much better situation than my current scenario. My company is much smaller, in both number of employees and physical space. There is no place for me to pump except my car. So twice a day, I haul my stuff out to the car, pump and bring it all back inside to stow in a crowded, public fridge.

The pumping is obviously the worst part of breastfeeding right now - very annoying, time consuming, mechanical. But the actual nursing is something I will always treasure. From cuddling in the morning to taking a few minutes to sit down with the kids after a long day at work, I am the food source, but it is such an emotional experience.

Wesley is a physical eater - when he's nursing or even taking a bottle, his hands are always moving. He sometimes scratches his head, sometimes strokes your arm or - my favorite - finds and holds your fingers. As a second child, he's sometimes had to wait for a meal - he often melts down as I'm getting Elle out of the bath and just. wants. his. milk. When Elle had those moments of wanting milk NOW and having to wait, she would nurse furiously, glaring at me as tears dried in the corners of her eyes. Her reaction then is definitely an early indication of her dynamic personality today. Wesley, on the other hand. sinks in to an instant state of relaxation and relief. His eyes look grateful as he nurses, thankful that his needs were finally met. He'll often nurse to sleep at this point, likely out of pure physical and emotional exhaustion. While I'm not pleased that he gets to that point while I'm attending to Elle's needs, the balancing act often peaks with his bedtime nursing session, and it's definitely a notable one for me.

I memorized little crinkles in his ear during our first nursing sessions. I've since seen those newborn marks fade. I've stroked his hair - first short and dark blond, now longer, fluffy and light - during our nursing sessions. I've observed over and over as he has latched in the dark and gone right back to sleep during the early morning meals. I've soothed him. I've been burped and farted on, covered in spit up and kicked, scratched and pinched. While not always pleasant, the nursing sessions have always been educational and memorable.  

The nursing gymnastics have begun.
Personal space is fair game.

For personal and medical reasons (mine, not Wesley's!), as of this week I'm cutting back on the pumping sessions. Since I won't be producing as much milk, we'll be supplementing with formula. We gave him his first bottle of formula today - a day after he turned six months old. I know "feeding your baby is feeding your baby," but it's been an extremely emotional decision for me. I'm pretty passionate about breastfeeding - I will defend your right to breastfeed, support your efforts in breastfeed, encourage you to continue breastfeeding. I will sympathize with you as you nurse a teething baby, nod my head understandingly as you relate the perils of nursing a distracted and energetic infant and know exactly what you mean when you say the only thing that seemed to comfort your baby was nursing ... and nursing ... and nursing. I have loved it (not every minute of it, haha, but overall!) and hope to continue nursing Wesley for at least a few more months.

The decision was mine to make, but it's been hard to come terms with for multiple reasons. Regardless of the emotion involved, I've been contemplating introducing formula for months. I was intimidated, too, having absolutely no experience with formula, and I grilled our pediatrician at Wesley's last appointment, going over all kinds of "formula newbie" questions with her to prepare for when the time would come. I finally decided to make it to six months with exclusive breastmilk for several reasons (including all of the benefits both he and I have gotten and will have), because I knew it was a milestone for benefits, I knew it was an attainable goal and I didn't want to wait too long to introduce formula for fear of him rejecting it. (Elle was such a breast milk baby that she never took to any other milk form, and while I don't think that was an awful thing, it definitely played a role in my thought process). It's the same reason we introduced a bottle with both kids within the first few weeks, and thankfully, after six months of breast milk only, the kid hesitantly took the formula. Tim said he wasn't too thrilled about it at first and slowly drank two ounces but then sucked down another two ounces fairly quickly. I can only hope that the next few days go as smoothly and he continues cooperating.

Bananas are pretty funny.

We're also introducing solids (via Baby Led Weaning) at the same time - last night he sat with us at the dinner table in the high chair for the first time and played with some banana with his tiny, chubby hands. He wasn't too interested in eating any actual banana pieces, but he seemed to like his banana-flavored thumbs. He's been extremely interested in our plates and food for the last month and a half, and I'm excited to see how things go as he explores new textures and flavors.

Siblings: The first few weeks

Elle and Wesley's first meeting was not what I had imagined. Elle had been with several sitters during Wesley's birth, and her eating and sleeping schedule was off, so when they arrived at the hospital around dinner time on that first day, she was tired and hungry. Just before the arrived at our hospital room, Wesley had a huge blowout diaper, and it was shift change for the nurses. The nurses handed me a diaper and wipes and said they'd be back soon, but here I was, four hours postpartum and three years removed from diapering a newborn, not to mention nearly 15 years removed from diapering any boys, and I was face to face with an awful diaper.

As I changed Wesley, he screamed and screamed. I couldn't really blame him. He'd been sleeping most of the day and now I was wiping tar off his rear. Just as I was finishing up, Tim and Elle arrived. Elle looked horrified, managing to get out a disturbed "But why is he crying?" (a question she asks frequently, although she's now able to tune out most of his cries) at the sight of her baby brother. Things didn't get better as I stood up to throw away the diaper and wash my hands and Tim pointed out that I was bleeding all over the hospital floor. It was the first time I had stood up since I'd arrived in my recovery room, so apparently my body didn't like that. At that point, Elle was a bit freaked out - by the crying and the blood. Tim got the night nurse, who came in and helped clean up the blood, and Elle was pretty much over the whole "this is my baby brother thing." She never stopped telling anyone and everyone "I have a baby brother named Weswey," but she didn't seem as excited as she had been.

Opening her present from Wesley.

We ate dinner together and she occasionally asked why he'd been crying or why I was bleeding. She was extremely excited when we told her that Wesley had gotten her a present, and she could barely wait to open it. She was very happy about the bug books she received (similar to some that she reads at daycare and adores) and a Monsters University coloring and sticker book. But really? She was unphased by the grand "introduction to your new family member."

Kisses for her bro!

The next day at the hospital was a bit more of the same - he wasn't crying as much, so she was a bit more willing to look at him and touch his hand. When we came home from the hospital, we stopped to pick her up at daycare. She seemed thrilled to see me in the car, along with the balloons she had brought to us that morning, but she wasn't really interested in the fact that Wesley was in the carseat next to her.

When we got home and told her it was time to introduce her brother to the kitties, she seemed a little more enthused, but still, nothing huge. Her enthusiasm didn't really increase as she watched me nurse Wesley and change his diapers as Daddy took care of bath and bedtime for Elle (roles I handle 80-90% of the time). She wanted to be near him and wanted to bring him everything he might need - toys, blankets, etc., but if he started to cry, she wanted nothing to do with him unless she knew she could play an active role in "fixing" him.

Guess who added Wesley's accessories?

But over the last few weeks, Elle has totally embraced this big sister thing. For a few days, she was confused about the titles of "bro" and "sis" and called me sis and insisted that Wesley was "sis," too. But now she'll talk to Wesley and say "What's wrong, bro? It's me, sis" in a sweet sing-song voice. She constantly kisses him and is always quick to offer him a pacifier or rattle. She's been very well behaved around him (although extremely loud, in true toddler fashion), and she's almost always aware of where he is and knows to be gentle around him. She's helped with diaper changes and baths and even brings me my water when I'm nursing him and can't reach it.

These two are going to be best buds. And mortal enemies.

She's been inquisitive, asking about Wesley's boy parts and what he's doing while nursing, asking to help give him a bottle. She even started to nurse one of her stuffed animals last week - when I asked what she was doing, she said "Giving him milk." I nearly died with pride and from the cuteness.

She's been amazingly sweet and caring, too. The other day we were about 10 minutes from home and Wesley started screaming at the top of his lungs. I knew he was hungry, and I knew that he was going to have to wait. Elle tried to comfort him, telling him "It's OK, bro," and nearly killed me with cute when we pulled in to our complex and she said, "We're home, bud." She gives us a play-by-play on what's going on in the backseat, too - "He's crying!" (duh) and "Mommy, he's sucking his fingers!"  She likes to hold his hand and give him kisses, and she's always super excited when I pick her up at daycare and bring him. She gets very defensive, too, if the other kids at daycare try to touch or talk to "my Weswey!"

Elle's 'Weswey'!

We've tried really hard not to "blame" Wesley for things, like telling Elle we can't do something or she can't have something because of Wesley. I try to phrase things so that we'll do or have something after Wesley is done eating or when we're all ready to leave the house - I don't want her to be bitter. She's had a few moments of pretending to act like a baby or talking about going potty in diapers, and I always try to point out all of the perks of being a "big girl," like eating real food and not having to sleep all the time. So far, she's handled things extremely well. I think I've been more upset about some things than her, like not having as much patience or one-on-one time for the two of us. I've tried to make it a priority to do as much as possible just like we used to or take her out for errands, just the two of us. I've also gobbled up my alone time with Wesley.

Tim and I still find ourselves laughing whenever we say something about "the kids," like "I'll take the kids so you can grab a nap" or "I'll take both of the kids to the doctor's appointment." It still seems kind of foreign that we're responsible for two little humans now. For me, the hardest part is being there physically for Wesley but emotionally for Elle. Since Tim works nights, I'm on my own five times a week for bath time and bedtime. My mom was here last week and was able to help out a lot - I could give Elle one-on-one time and my mom could make sure Wesley was taken care of. But now my mom is gone, Tim is at work and things can get rough. I do not find it enjoyable to balance a nursing newborn in my arms as I pull up the underwear and shorts of my boisterous toddler with one hand. I do not enjoy making dinner with Wesley's screams and Elle's constant stream of "Why? Why? Why?" as my background noise. But we're adjusting, and we're managing.

Elle has been great about it all - there have been nights that I've dressed her in her pajamas as Wesley has screamed his lungs off right next to us, and she hasn't complained. There have been nights that I've read her bedtime story while nursing Wesley and haven't been able to cuddle with her - part of our normal bedtime routine - and she's been a champ about it. There have also been nights that I've ducked in and out of bath time to check on him and her and found myself in tears trying to be everywhere for everyone.

The first few times that we were out and about with Wesley, Tim said he kept waiting for him to take his arms out of the car seat straps like Elle does, haha. It's funny how fast you get used to something and how foreign this newborn thing is even just three years removed from our last (first!) experience with a newborn.

Birth story: Wesley's arrival

Instead of breaking this up in to parts like I did with Elle's, I'm just going to lay it all out here - Elle's birth seemed to have more natural segments. Sorry for the lengthy post!

Despite my thoughts that Wesley would come on his own before the induction, he did not. I was super emotional on Sunday, knowing it was our last day as a family of three and knowing that the uncertainty of the induction was only hours away. Having so much time to think is a huge detriment for an anxious person like me, haha. 

I spent much of Sunday trying to wrap up everything that we needed for the next few days - care for Elle for the day of induction, meals and instructions for her caregivers, recheck of the hospital bag, etc. Tim and I both put Elle to bed - a rarity since he works nights - and then he left us to cuddle. I was a sobbing mess - if I had spontaneously gone in to labor I definitely wouldn't have had the time to dwell on how this was my last time putting Elle to bed as an only child.

Family photo as we put Elle Belle to bed.

Tim and I headed to bed around midnight to get a few hours of sleep.

Except in true anxious/pregsomnia style, I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing, Wesley had a mega-strong case of the hiccups, I had to pee and I couldn't get comfortable. I kept thinking it would be awesome if I went in to the hospital already in labor. I ended up going back and forth from the bed to the couch for two hours before getting about two hours of broken sleep ... then we had to get up to get ready.

Our friend Kelly came over at 4:15 a.m. to assume Elle duty, and we said goodbye and headed to the hospital for our 5 a.m. induction. I didn't feel good - my stomach was a big knot wrapped up in the Chinese food I had eaten for dinner the night before. I didn't want to eat much before we left for the hospital, so I had a handful of cereal for "breakfast," and that was it. I wasn't sure if that would help or harm me later on, but I really couldn't stomach anything more. It was a warm morning, heavy with humidity, and as we drove Tim kept a close look at what was playing on our satellite radio. He told me that if a song by the band Dokken (his favorite) played, it was good luck - apparently a Dokken song played on the way to the hospital when we had Elle. I asked what it meant if we didn't hear a Dokken song and received no reply. We decided we had our "sign," though, when "Welcome to the Jungle" played as we made the final approach to the hospital - it's the song that plays before the Bengals' kickoff (Tim's favorite team) and also the song we had play as we entered our wedding reception. No better way to usher in another great change, right? And it is designed to pump you up, so I figured it was preparing me for "game time."

Parking garage photo at 5 a.m. = not attractive reality of 40 weeks, 2 days pregnant anxious woman.

We had to fill out some paperwork in labor and delivery, and by the time I was taken back to Room 8 for the show to get on the road, it was close to 6 a.m., which was shift change for the nurses. I got changed in to the ever-flattering hospital gown, my IV put in and answered some basic questions about my medical history, and then Tim and I were left alone for a while before the day nurses were going to come in and get my complete information.

Around 6:20, the nurses came in - Sandra was a nurse on the mommy/baby floor and was training with Ellen to be a labor and delivery nurse. Apparently there weren't a lot of other inductions scheduled for the day and things were pretty quiet on the floor, because we had a lot of attention from Sandra and Ellen over the next few hours. Having Sandra train was kind of cool because she asked a lot of questions and Ellen explained a lot of things to her, so I felt like I was hearing EVERYTHING that was going on. There was some confusion about the doctor doing my induction, because Dr. S. wasn't listed on the paperwork that the hospital had on file. Ellen called Dr. S. at home and confirmed that he'd be the one doing the induction and went over the process he was going to use - a process she was familiar with but wanted to confirm. He ended up showing up at the hospital around 6:45 and asked if I had any questions. I asked if we had to do this, and he said no, but if I wanted the baby to come out today this was my best shot.

By 6:50, I was under instruction to lie as flat as possible and not move so that the pill that had been placed against my cervix could work its magic. Dr. S. confirmed that my cervix really hadn't made much change since my last appointment with him six days before, so that whole going in to labor thing on my own was officially not happening.

The next 90 minutes or so were pretty uneventful. Tim and I watched TV. I ate ice chips. Ellen asked me what my labor approach was, like "Deep breathing" or "Wants epidural." I said that I would describe my approach during Elle's birth as "Frantic and chaotic," as I was terrified and in pain but everything went quickly. I made it clear that I was anxious and scared about this experience, too, and they assured me that they would take good care of me. Not that I doubted it, but I really felt like I was in good hands and was grateful that they were aware of my anxiety.

At about 8:30, Dr. S. came back (his office is in a building right across from the hospital) to break my water. Ellen told me it wasn't going to hurt more than a normal exam, Dr. S. immediately said that it would be a little worse. At that point, I told him he wasn't helping things. Having your water break is one of the weirdest sensations in the world. Ellen originally thought there wasn't too much fluid, but after she switched out the dressings on the bed she said they were really heavy and I must have had a lot of fluid. Awesome.

Nothing more could be done until 8:50, because there had to be two hours between the pill being inserted in to my cervix and the start of the Pitocin. But at 8:50, the Pitocin started and the few contractions I had been having all morning became much more regular and noticeable. I wasn't in a lot of pain, but I definitely felt them. I breathed through them, repeating to myself "You're going to be born today, you're going to be born today ..." Ellen and Sandra were happy with the contractions on the monitor and the baby's response to them, and around 9:30, I asked to move to an exercise ball to get more comfortable.

These were definitely the tame contractions.

The move helped my discomfort but didn't seem to do anything for the contractions. They had a hard time getting the monitor to stay in a good place to get the baby's heartbeat, and my contractions slowed down and became less intense. Ellen and Sandra came back in and I pretty much already knew what they were going to say: They were increasing the Pitocin.

Another issue that became apparent to me when I was on the exercise ball was that my fingers were extremely swollen. I mentioned it to Sandra, and she told me it was from the fluids I was getting. She suggested putting my hands above my head to help gravity redistribute the fluid. The middles of my fingers were white, the ends were red and it hurt to make a fist or bend my fingers. I told Tim I wasn't sure how I was going to grip his hand if I couldn't even feel mine. I tried to keep my hands up, often crossed behind my head, to help the swelling. After about an hour, I could really tell a difference and the discomfort in my hands was much less. 

The contractions got more intense pretty much right away after they increased the Pitocin. Still manageable, but more painful. I was moved back to the bed and they checked me again - I was only about 3 cm dilated. Not what I wanted to hear. A little more time went by and Dr. S. called over to see if I had made any progress. Ellen checked me and I was dilated 4 cm. Just to add to the fun, Dr. S. stopped in a little bit later and decided to put an internal monitor on me to check the contractions. The Pitocin was increased again, and I was officially not a happy camper. I knew that if I was going to have a baby today, though, the Pitocin was what was going to make it happen.

At this point, I was feeling uncomfortable, scared, tired and afraid of what the next few hours would hold. I talked to Tim and then to the nurses and decided to get the epidural. I hadn't had one with Elle, and I hadn't planned to get one with Wesley, but since this was an induction and I wasn't sure what to expect, I figured all expectations were off. It was mostly a pride thing for me - I had been pre-certified to receive the epidural for both deliveries, and I always maintained that I was open to the epidural if I felt I needed it. Elle's birth went in a way that really didn't leave me feeling like it was the best option. But with this birth, I didn't know if I'd be having contractions for another 45 minutes or another five hours. I didn't think I could handle it for five hours, and I feared that at two days overdue with my second child - a male - I was looking at a larger baby. I wasn't sure how I felt about doing that naturally.

But the epidural wasn't as smooth of an experience as I had hoped. I'd had a lot of lower back pain in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, and I guess the tightness in my back combined with the fact that the bed was kind of uneven made it challenging for the epidural to be administered. (In retrospect, I feel like doing Pilates and strength training more frequently during my pregnancy with Elle helped a lot with the back pain that came with pregnancy and my recovery.) The nurse tried twice but wasn't having any luck, so she brought in an ultrasound machine and started drawing points on my back. She kept asking if I had back issues or scoliosis, and the fact that this wasn't going as easily as I expected made me more nervous (which also probably made me more tense). Add to that the fact that she asked me to curl my body over my 40-weeks-and-2-days pregnant belly as I was having strong contractions AND relax, and I think it was easy to see that this wasn't going to be a walk in the park for any of us.

She finally got the epidural in and everything settled. I eased back in to the bed and had one more strong contraction. Ellen noted that the way I was curling my toes gave her an indication that I had probably dilated to 6 or 7 cm. She was pretty much the world's most complimentary person, and while I'm sure some of it was just to keep my spirits up, I appreciated it all. She told me that I was handling the pain beautifully and that no one would ever know how far I was just by looking at me. She also told me I was thin at one point - I think she was talking about how the epidural would be easy to administer and go in to effect - and I told her I loved her.

Long story short, the epidural went in to action almost immediately. It was a little after 11:30, and I wasn't feeling the pinchy contractions any more. I couldn't believe the relief it brought, although I was concerned that it would create issues when it came time to push. I had also worried it would slow my progress down, but Ellen told me that it wouldn't be a problem and might actually help my body relax and progress with labor.

The only downside to the epidural? I started to shake. Like, uncontrollably. Ellen and Sandra told me to get some rest and that they'd be back to check me in half an hour. They brought me an extra blanket - Ellen said the shaking could be my body's natural reaction to the pain it was experiencing (the pain I wasn't feeling because of the blessed epidural). I closed my eyes and tried to just relax, but the shaking threw me off a bit. The epidural distributed fairly evenly - my right leg was a bit more numb than my left, but I couldn't feel the contractions. Looking at the monitor, they had increased dramatically in intensity and consistency, and I had no idea how I wasn't feeling them - the internal monitor was showing that they were crazy, and I was extremely thankful for the epidural then.

They checked me again after 30 minutes, which I think was around noon or 12:30. At this point, I was asking if I could order pizza so we could have a pizza party after I delivered. (I had already half-jokingly asked if I would be likely to deliver by lunch and just get everything wrapped up.) I mentioned that I was pretty sure the baby was just going to slide out because of the magical epidural. I was pain-free and hopeful, what can I say?

When I delivered Elle, I dilated pretty consistently and it was easy to keep track of - I'd say it was about a centimeter an hour. This time, I feel like I jumped around, from 4 to 6 and then all of a sudden Ellen was calling Dr. S. to tell him I was ready to start pushing. She'd been checking Wesley's position, and she said he'd taken a sudden turn and had basically slipped in to his final position. She asked if I felt any pressure, and although I had been concerned that the epidural would eliminate the feeling of pressure, I *did* feel it. Dr. S. arrived, a nurse came in to take care of the baby when he arrived, and I realized that it was almost time for Wesley's arrival. Things were getting serious. They broke down the bed to prepare it for delivery and had the bright lights shining - it was showtime.

I had lost track of time at this point, but I knew the contractions were coming every 2-3 minutes. I had been keenly aware all morning of what the monitors sounded like at each point in my contraction, so even if I hadn't felt the pressure, I knew that when the baby's heartbeat slowed the pressure was going to get more intense. I took deep breaths between the contractions because I was worried I was going to hyperventilate - I had to really focus on staying calm and relaxed.

Dr. S. quickly determined that I wasn't quite ready to have a baby. I'm a sucky baby pusher, and Wesley wasn't quite in the right position. Dr. S. went back to his office to attend to another patient, and Ellen told me to rest for a few contractions before we tried pushing again. NOT pushing was almost as hard as pushing, but I tried to just breathe and relax. Ellen asked me if Elle had had dark hair - she had seen Wesley's head when I had been pushing before, so we knew he was close. Like during my delivery with Elle, I was constantly asking if they were sure he was coming, if it would be soon, how many more pushes, etc.

I rested for about 10 minutes - about five contractions. I realized I was really itchy, a sensation that continued for about an hour after I delivered (an apparent side effect of the epidural that would quickly pass but was extremely annoying at the time).

When I started pushing again, they seemed to be much more productive pushes. The numbness I felt in my leg wasn't as much of an issue, and I just focused on trying to get that baby out. I wasn't feeling pain, just the pressure, and I wanted to meet that little boy. I was so ready to be done, and I knew I had to wait for Dr. S. to arrive - the fact that they had called him back must mean that I was really close. I was hoping he'd arrive soon so the pressure would go away, and I worried I wouldn't be able to wait until he got there. When I heard him enter the room, I felt extremely relieved. I knew I didn't have to wait anymore. I pushed through one contraction and then Dr. S. told me to wait a minute because he had to get rid of some scar tissue - likely left behind from the rather substantial tearing I endured during Elle's delivery. After that, I think it was about three pushes and I felt the release of pressure that was Wesley's head and shoulders. The pushing after his head and shoulders was slow and easy - I saw his head and watched as the rest of him emerged so they could place him on my chest, wriggly, confused and slimy at 1:57 p.m.

I'd like to think I wasn't as hysterical as I was when Elle was born. I wasn't as physically spent or in as much pain as I was during my delivery with Elle, and I knew what to expect this time. I was so thankful that Wesley was here and he was healthy. I took more time to appreciate each moment - I examined his face and decided he didn't look very much like Elle. He had a smaller head, a slightly conical shape and wasn't as puffy as Elle had been. I've since decided that he looks a lot like Elle when she was born - Tim says he looks more like her every day. They had the same birth mark in the center of their foreheads (I had it when I was younger, too), and they have a dark birthmark on the napes of their necks. Wesley has a big bruise on the top of his head, likely from my pelvic bone during delivery. His right eye also has a purplish bruise/big vein that pops out when he's angry/crying. Most shockingly was the fact that Wesley was smaller than Elle - he weighed 7 pounds, 14 ounces. I was sure that he was going to be longer, too, from the way he'd stretched out in the womb, but he was 20 inches long. (My official guess on the way to the hospital was that he'd weigh 8 pounds, 6 ounces and be 21.5 inches long.) Dr. S. remarked that his cord was really long, too. He's got long, thin legs and a funny Benjamin Button forehead.

Dr. S. delivered the placenta and stitched me back up, and I said something about how much pain I'd been in last time with the second and third degree tears - it was hard to focus on anything else. The nurses told me that I had a singular first degree tear where that scar tissue was, but overall, there was nothing terrible. Dr. S. said I'd been in so much pain during the repair from Elle's delivery because he'd had to use the local anesthetic. Oopsie. (And ouchie.) But this was a much, much better experience overall, and I'm sure part of it was due to the epidural, but part of it was also because this was my second child and he was smaller. Less pushing, more effective pushing, less tearing and less repair. Win, win, win, win.

The hospital's policies have changed slightly since I delivered Elle there three years ago. When Elle was born, she was almost immediately whisked away for assessment. Wesley stayed on my chest for several minutes, then they took him to weigh him and brought him back to me. They didn't do a full assessment or measure his length until more than an hour after birth, which was nice. I was able to breastfeed Wesley almost immediately - he had quite the rooting instinct - and his latch was ridiculously strong. (He later developed in to more of a lazy, shallow latcher, which caused me a LOT of pain and damage, but we were all marveling at his initial natural instincts.) After he was completely checked out, Tim was able to hold him for the first time.

We stayed in the delivery room for about two hours, and I was able to have some juice and crackers - I hadn't eaten since the night before, so I was so grateful for any food. Tim called my parents, his parents, my sister and texted and Facebooked the news while I nursed Wesley. Around 4:30, we were wheeled down to the Mommy Baby Unit. They had food in our room there, and I devoured it. Wesley just slept. Tim left to go relieve our babysitter, get some dinner for him and Elle and bring her back to see me and meet Wesley.

Elle and Tim came back around 6 (I'll write about the sibling meeting in a separate post some time soon). They stayed until about 7:30, and then I was on my own for the night.

My IV was taken out at 10 p.m., and Wesley stayed with me until about midnight, when they took him to bathe him and do his hearing test. I was finally able to grab a few hours of sleep, and they brought him back to my room around 4:30 or 5 a.m. Dr. S. stopped in just before 7 a.m. to see how I was doing. He asked if I wanted to go home that day or stay another night, adding that if it were him he'd probably stay just to have the extra help from the hospital staff and give myself more time to adjust. The problem was that I didn't really feel I had gotten a lot of help from the hospital staff, and since Tim wasn't able to stay at the hospital with me I was pretty much on my own and missing him and Elle. Dr. S. told me he'd leave the decision up to me and to let the nurses know if I wanted to be discharged that day. I decided to think about it and talk to Tim, but I was leaning toward going home. Breakfast and the parade of hospital personnel began around 8 a.m. After eating breakfast and taking a shower, I felt much better.

Around 10 a.m., my nurse asked if I had made a decision about when I wanted to go home because she wanted to make sure the paperwork and tests were all completed for me if I was going to leave that day. I decided to go home - I felt good physically, and I knew that Tim would help me and it would be nice to start our family bonding process at home. A lot of the necessary tests couldn't be done until Wesley was 24 hours old, and the nurse was great in making sure that they were all taken care so that we could go home ASAP.

Elle chills in my hospital bed.

Tim and Elle stopped by in the morning around 10:45 - they brought birthday balloons and a stuffed animal for me, which was super sweet. Elle was very excited to play around in the hospital room, but they couldn't stay long because Tim had to drop Elle off at daycare at noon. He ran some errands and took care of some things at home before returning to pick Wesley and I up at the hospital at 4 p.m.

Ready to go home!

Loaded up in to the car!

We were able to all go pick Elle up at daycare and headed home to introduce the cats to the new addition.

Welcome home, Wesley!

Birth story epilogue: 

A lot of people seemed surprised that I was home by dinner the day after delivering my second child. Tim and I figured it out, though - when I delivered Elle, I was only in the hospital for about 30 hours. In retrospect, that probably wasn't long enough - I easily could have used another night in the hospital to recover, but at that time, people were in and out of our room all night long and none of us slept well. This time it was quite the opposite - no one really checked on me or Wesley except to remove my IV and take him for his bath, and my hospital stay was about 36 hours. Considering my pain was so much less with Wesley, I think it was a good decision.

My physical recovery has been amazing so far. I honestly feel so much better at a week postpartum than I did at a month postpartum with Elle. I felt pain until I was six or seven weeks postpartum with Elle, and right now, I feel fantastic, all things considered. The swelling in my feet was pretty bad for the first week - the extra IV fluids made me swell up like crazy. The number on the scale stayed high for several days, but I expected that after a similar experience with Elle. At 10 days postpartum, I'm now down about 20 pounds, and my belly has slowly been shrinking. I was given Ibuprofen in the hospital and continued to take it for a few days after I was discharged but never needed the Percocet that I had taken for several days after Elle was born. I had some intense back pain for the first few days, which I attribute to several factors, including the back pain I had before delivery, the epidural and then the muscles I was calling on to nurse and take care of a newborn - muscles that hadn't been used in those ways for years. The hospital bed also wasn't the most comfortable, and since I couldn't do much except sit or lie on the bed for almost 24 hours, that kind of stunk and didn't help the back pain at all. Emotionally, I've been struggling, but I'm trying to ride it out for a few weeks and hope that it gets better. I know from experience that hormones and my emotions do not mesh well together, but I don't think I was prepared to be this much of a mess. (Please pity Tim, too.) Hormones+emotions+new baby+oldest child about to turn 3=one sobbing blob of a mama.

Wesley is doing great, too. His birth weight was 7 pounds, 14 ounces. I'm not sure how much he weighed at discharge, but we visited the pediatrician when he was two days old, and he was at 7 pounds, 3 ounces. My milk came in at the end of day 3, and he's been nursing every 2-3 hours with an occasional 4-hour stretch at night. We had a weight recheck on when he was nine days old and he was up to 7 pounds, 12 ounces. His diaper output is ridiculous and any signs of jaundice that he had initially faded dramatically by the time he was a week old, so the doctors were all really pleased with his progress. 

For reference, here is Elle's birth story.

Week 40 update

Baby is still the size of a WATERMELON.

How far along? 40 weeks. Really didn't think I'd make it past 39.5, sigh. Don't let this smile fool you, either - I'm miserable.

Total weight gain/loss: Bleh.

Maternity clothes? Bleh.

Best moment this week: Nearing the definite end.


Symptoms: Poor circulation in my arms/hands (like, whenever I sleep my arms go numb and I can't grip things). Anixety. Extremely bad mood. Low energy. Restless legs. Cramps. Intense lower back pain. Trouble sleeping.

Movement: The back pain got the best of me. I was not very active at all, and any activity felt ridiculously monumental.

Food cravings: Bleh.

Aversions: I would like to avoid being massively pregnant.

Gender? IT'S A BOY!

Sleep: Terrible. I can't nap for stretches longer than 15 minutes and the numbness in my body is so painful that sleep isn't comforting at all. I'm also up to pee quite a bit. This all means that I'm not sleeping much or well at all.

What I miss: Not being so cranky. Not worrying about being induced. Not thinking about how big my baby is going to be by the time I'm induced. Not worrying about the possibility of needing a c-section or having a super long labor.

What I am looking forward to: Having this baby and not being pregnant anymore! 

Weekly Wisdom: Previous pregnancy and delivery experience/expectations mean NOTHING.

Milestones: So close to being done. 

Week 39 update

Wesley is here, all is well and I'm just about done with my long-winded birth story, but I wanted to post my last weekly updates first :)

Baby is still the size of a WATERMELON.

How far along? 39 weeks.

Total weight gain/loss: Up a pound, but officially at my highest weight (pregnant or non-pregnant) ever.

Maternity clothes? I've got a handful of things that still fit. And that's all I wear. The end.

Best moment this week: Finding out that I'd made some progress in dilation and effacement during my doctor's appointment.


Symptoms: Poor circulation in my arms/hands. Extremely bad mood. Low energy. Restless legs. Cramps. Back pain. Trouble sleeping. I am so ready to have this baby.

Movement: I was pretty active this week - the back pain didn't help things, but I logged more gym time and cleaned the condo like an animal, so I got some decent cardio in. Wesley is making my stomach contort in weird ways - he's not active frequently, but in the periods when he's active it is CRAZYTOWN in there.

Food cravings: Popsicles. Cereal. Not much else. My appetite isn't so hot.

Aversions: I should avoid eating. Yet I still do it.

Gender? IT'S A BOY!

Sleep: I had several nights when I couldn't get to sleep until after 4 a.m. Not good. I napped when I could, rested as much as possible, but really, sleep this past week has been elusive. And good sleep even more so. I go to sleep with twitchy, numb limbs and wake up with stiff, sore, twitchy numb limbs.

What I miss: Being in a better mood. Waiting and suffering through these last few days have made me so miserable and cranky that I hate it. I am an emotional mess (even more so than normal), and I am having a hard time imagining labor and actually meeting this little baby. I have also been consumed with thoughts of induction, labor, the first few weeks, etc. Scary stuff, people.

What I am looking forward to: Having this baby and not being pregnant anymore! 

Weekly Wisdom: Worrying doesn't help.

Milestones: Closer to done.

My pregnancy with Elle - week 39 update here.

Still pregnant and a mish-mash of thoughts.

As of this evening, I am officially more pregnant than I have ever been. Which isn't a crazy statement to make - just an observation that with Elle, I was 39.5 weeks pregnant when I delivered. I am now 39.5 weeks pregnant and Wesley isn't showing signs of arriving any time soon.

I wish I could say that I was enjoying these final days of being pregnant, but to be honest, I am a planner, and I am impatient. I have been been on maternity leave for a week and am not happy that I am on leave sans newborn. I don't want to rush the boy, but I certainly thought he'd be out by now. Physically and mentally, I think it's good that I went on leave when I did. But now I'm thinking that each day I'm off without the baby means I'll have to go back to work when he is that much younger. Our induction is set for Monday, and I don't think I'll make it to then, but then again, I didn't think I'd still be pregnant now, either. At my appointment yesterday I showed signs of progress - baby's head is still high (as Elle's was until the end), but I'm dilated 2 cm and 20% effaced, making me favorable for the induction but also giving me some sense of hope that he might just come on his own sooner. With every round of painful contractions, I tell myself that maybe the pain now means a faster, easier time at delivery (if you don't agree, keep it to yourself because that's all that's getting me through these days).

Dr. S. made the comment that he had delivered someone "just like me" on the night before my appointment. I wanted to clarify, to ask if that meant she was fat, anxious, impatient, grew large babies or if it was her second child and she wasn't showing any sign of being dilated or effaced, but I figured I'd just leave his comment alone and not go there. He added that she was a week and a half overdue, and I told him that I was struggling to remind myself that I am not yet overdue. In fact, I am in a perfectly normal range for still being pregnant, and just because I assumed or expected anything different doesn't mean that I SHOULD have this baby any sooner. I'm still not super excited about being induced, but at the same time, I think for my mental well-being it might be for the best, and if it improves my chances of being able to deliver vaginally again then I'm OK with that, too.

I'm getting all sorts of comments about how I must be ready to pop. My favorite thing about these conversations is that after I confirm that yes, I am just about ready, people insist on engaging me in drawn out stories about their own experiences, whether it be personal or their wife's or daughter's or neighbor's or whatever. I'm 39.5 weeks pregnant, people, large, uncomfortable and often with a toddler. I don't feel like standing around making polite small talk. I'm sorry, but I have no patience, and even if I did, you wouldn't be getting any of it right now. We normally do our shopping for the week on Saturdays, but since I keep hoping that I might be in labor and not available to make dinner on any given day, I've basically shopped day by day this week. The grocery store employees love me.

Physically, I could be very much in worse shape. I'm working out a lot more now that I'm not working, and although I have some mega lower back pain, joint aches and swelling, I've been blessed with a pretty easy pregnancy. Not as easy as my first one, but not nearly as bad as it could be. My hands are very stiff now - I can't close my right hand in a fist in the morning any more, and gripping anything is either very painful or impossible. The same thing happened in my last few weeks of my first pregnancy. My hips are loose and I am getting weird muscle cramps in my upper thighs - things that aren't helped by my insistence to continue full speed ahead (and then some) on cleaning, running errands, etc.

Today was the first day of leave that I really took it "easy," and it was largely because I way overdid it yesterday and had some mammoth pain last night. It was also due to the fact that I didn't fall asleep until 4:30 a.m. and took a long afternoon nap with Elle, which didn't leave much time for scrubbing doors, doing dishes or vacuuming cobwebs from every crevice in the house. And while I've been very productive during my leave, I'm still left feeling nauseous at times, dealing with a lack of appetite, digestive issues, and general soreness that comes with trying to take care of an active toddler (i.e. I have a hard time heaving myself around to chase after her, contorting myself to try to wash her hair in the bathtub, lifting her, etc.).

This past weekend would have been a perfect time for Wesley to be born, which is probably why he decided he didn't like that plan. Tim was off for three days, we had sitters lined up for each day, and I had a good feeling about each date. But alas, nothing. I find that whenever we have the perfect situation in place, I have no signs of labor, but if there are any wrinkles/obstacles/complications, I get all sorts of signs and contractions and wonder if NOW is the time.

We did take advantage of the newbornless time to spend some quality family time together, getting little outings in with Elle on each day that likely won't happen for a while after Wesley is born. I don't think I would have gone on some of these adventures solo, but with Tim there to help with Elle it made everything much more manageable (and reminded/scared me of the fact that we're going to be parenting not one but two children on opposite shifts, which means solo duty and little overall family time, which always makes me sad - so I'm not going to think about it right now).

Elle's new thing is to "tell" us secrets. Basically she just whispers gibberish or mouths words.

Baseball game on Saturday night!

To the park several times - solo with Mommy on Thursday morning,
then family outing on Sunday evening.

A new-to-us indoor bounce play area on Monday morning -
we went before a lot of older kids showed up, and Elle had a lot of fun.

Elle will be going to daycare part-time while I'm on leave, which adds up to about 11 hours a week. I think this will be good for her, to maintain some sense of her "normal," and for me and Wesley, to have a few hours a week for one-on-one time. Today was one of the days that Elle didn't go to daycare, so we headed to story time at the library, took a long afternoon nap and baked brownies together.

Mmmm, brownies.

I'm squeezing in every special memory-making moment together that I can before her little brother arrives, and some of the stuff that we've done (the trips to the park, the bounce house, story time, etc.) are things that Tim and/or I can continue doing with her after Wesley is here, to give her special one-on-one time with us.

I've also used my non-baby-occupied leave time to be productive - I have been getting stuff done around the condo, wrapping up some projects and resting. But now I'm getting stir crazy. And too large and tired to do much. And irritable. And anxious. Tim said he's mystified by how I can be anxious/worried/upset about so many things and keep them all straight. What can I say? A life time of practice. He's trying to assure me that worrying about things won't change what happens - how/when Wesley arrives, how Elle will react, how my body will respond, etc. But it doesn't keep me from thinking about it when it's 3:30 a.m. and I can't sleep, again. I'm an emotional mess - at night, when I've had some significantly painful yet highly inconsistent contractions, I think about how I might spend the next few nights in the hospital, away from Elle. I think about the possibility of a c-section. I try to think positively, regarding the contractions as progress in the end game of delivering this baby. I try to not wish away the last days of this pregnancy, but when I have a foot wedged in my rib cage or a dance party in my pelvis, it's not comforting. I get calls/texts asking if I've had the baby yet. I'll let you imagine my reaction to those inquiries. I feel like I've packed my hospital bag so long ago that I'll likely never need it. I worry that I won't remember what the "real deal" contractions will feel like. I worry that my baby will be 25 inches long and weigh 10 pounds.

I think having the experience of my pregnancy/delivery with Elle has allowed my mind to make assumptions, comparisons, even, as to what we should expect with this pregnancy. With Elle, EVERYTHING was unknown. I should have just continued operating like that instead of imagining how/when Wesley might arrive, but again, I am a planner, and this is how my mind works.

In the end, I know - I KNOW - it will all work out. I won't be pregnant forever. Elle won't hate us for turning her world upside down with a sibling. I'll sleep again (some day). Being this large and uncomfortable will one day be a distant memory. The next few weeks will go quickly as we all work to adjust to our new normal. I had similar frustrations/fears/unknowns when I was pregnant with Elle, and she arrived, we survived and we can't imagine life without her.

I'm just ready to start the next chapter - our life as a family of four.

Week 38 update

Baby is still the size of a WATERMELON.

How far along? 38 weeks (I've had about enough of the weekly updates!).

Total weight gain/loss: Up three pounds, maybe? ... Is it bad that I hardly care anymore? It's not a pretty number on the scale anymore, but some of it is from swelling and I know it will come off eventually. (Would like to start that eventually sooner than later, son ...)

Maternity clothes? Last day of work this week, so now I can live in workout clothes and sweats, woohooooooo!

Best moment this week: Last day of work! Scheduled induction! End/beginning is near!

Symptoms: Itchy belly. Restless legs. Cramps. Back pain. Trouble sleeping. Sore, sore hips. Stiff fingers and joints. Wheeee!

Movement: I'm getting more workouts in since I'm off work now - elliptical and treadmill for the win! I'm slow, but I'm not in a real hurry, so I figure any activity is good. Wesley is moving less, too, but when he moves, it's painful. I think he's ready to come out! 

Food cravings: Popsicles. Like it's my job. And M&Ms. Other than that, nothing sounds super great.

Aversions: I should avoid eating. Yet I still do it.

Gender? IT'S A BOY!

Sleep: I am quite tired most of the time. I am full speed ahead all day and am just physically wiped out, but when I go to sleep, I struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep. It's very frustrating, especially since I'd like to go in to labor as well-rested as possible. Sigh.

What I miss: Not being sore. Sleeping. Not worrying about when and how this tiny human is going to make his entrance in to the world. 

What I am looking forward to: As much as I don't want to be induced, I quickly realized that having a scheduled induction date brings me tremendous peace of mind.

My appointment this week didn't bring much progress. I'm was about 1 cm dilated but my cervix is still high and tight. Dr. S. doesn't seem to think things are going to progress naturally or quickly, although I feel that we're pretty much in the same boat that we were with Elle, and at my 39-week appointment with her I was dilated 2 cm with no other real sign of progress, and five days later I was dilating like crazy and she was delivered four hours after we arrived at the hospital. I was hoping that being done with work would signal to my body/Wesley that he could come any day now, but so far, I'm not feeling much of a difference.

We're going to see how things are at my 39-week appointment in a few days, but we've scheduled an induction for July 15 (two days after my due date). If nothing else, I feel better knowing that July 15 is the absolute latest that I'll be pregnant. And Elle was scheduled to be induced but came two days earlier on her own, so maybe my kids just need an extra kick in the pants to make a deadline, being the offspring of journalists and all. I still feel like he'll come on his own. On Tuesday (the day of my appointment), I had some serious contractions and pain. Nothing consistent, but more painful than I've had so far in this pregnancy. I've been nesting like crazy and having a lot of pressure, discomfort and back pain, so maybe things are happening? Or maybe not. Guess we'll see soon enough! 

Weekly Wisdom: I have no control over this situation

Milestones: Nearing our due date! 

My pregnancy with Elle - week 38 update here.

Week 37 update

Baby is the size of a WATERMELON.

How far along? 37 weeks.

Total weight gain/loss: According to the doctor's office, I gained one pound, so I'm right on track there. I'm definitely retaining more water, though. While I'm not sure how much of my overall weight gain is fluid, I'm about a pound away from my last recorded weight while pregnant with Elle and will likely surpass my highest weight ever by a pound or two in this pregnancy. I'm cool with that, though. More on my appointment below ...

Maternity clothes? I wish my rear wasn't expanding faster than my belly, and I'm really looking forward to not having to squeeze in to maternity clothes.

 
Best moment this week: Surprise baby celebration at work - we got spoiled (and got yummy cake!).

Symptoms: Itchy, cranky, tired, peeing a lot, swelling, feeling fat, heartburn, nausea. It's peachy. One good thing is that I'm nesting like crazy - I'm scrubbing base boards, reorganizing cabinets, making lots of trips to the trash can and Goodwill, cleaning the microwave, buying toiletries to last for months, etc. I have a weird energy for it, but it feels good to get each project done or pile of stuff out of the house.

Movement: I didn't work out much again this week. I've been trying to do more stretching, but in terms of cardio, the Florida summer heat is kicking my butt, and our schedules haven't allowed for me to get to the gym much.

Food cravings: Baked ziti - we're loving this recipe, which gives me leftovers for days :) As part of my nesting extravaganza, I also made several dozen muffins to freeze for the next few weeks, including these and these.

Aversions: Large meals. Ugh.

Gender? IT'S A BOY!

Sleep: I'm sleeping decently but struggle to get to sleep. I also wake up an hour or so before my alarm and have to decide if I reaaaallllyyy have to go to the bathroom or not.

What I miss: Being able to get off the couch without mega effort. Wearing shoes without trying to figure out if they'll fit over that particular day's swelling. Wearing clothes that fit. Eating normal meals and having them taste good. Being able to paint my own toenails (I had to get a pedi last week because it just wasn't happening on my own).

What I am looking forward to: My last day of work (coming this Wednesday!). And this baby's arrival, particularly when and how. The cramping I had last week was pretty non-existent this week, and I was disappointed to hear that I was only finger-tip dilated. I really thought that the pain I felt last week was more productive than that, and I'm not really feeling like much progress has been made since my appointment. I keep reminding myself that I didn't show many signs of being dilated or effaced before Elle came, either, and then all of a sudden I was in triage, already dilated 6 centimeters, and we had a baby four hours later.

During my pregnancy with Elle, Dr. S. was very concerned about her size - we had several growth ultrasounds and discussions about the possibility of a c-section if she was just too big. This time, he's been way more laid back about it, which has been cool. Until now. Because now we're at the same point we were at with Elle - big baby, late in pregnancy, the chances of needing a c-section greater as Wesley continues to grow in the Easy Bake Oven that is my womb. Just because we're all aware and accepting of the fact that I grow big babies and my body has birthed a big baby doesn't mean that the size/c-section factors are moot points this time. So this week he asked what my thoughts on the delivery were, and I said I'd like to go in with the same approach as last time, and if I can deliver vaginally without an epidural again, I'm all for it. If circumstances dictate that we need to re-evaluate those plans, so be it.

He asked if I wanted to schedule an induction. I said that I'd rather not unless he thought that it was medically advantageous (i.e. because of the baby's size or other factors). He said the baby certainly isn't getting smaller, and again, the larger the baby the more questionable a vaginal delivery would be, but the earliest he'd induce would be 39.5 weeks. Scheduling an induction would certainly make things easier in terms of knowing when we'd need someone to watch Elle, which is my biggest stress right now. It would guarantee that I wouldn't waste a lot of time on maternity leave sans newborn. But I also don't want to be induced. I don't want to choose my baby's birthday. I want to go through things naturally - let the contractions start on their own, let my body work through the early stages of labor, etc. Now that I KNOW my body is capable of and responds fairly favorably to labor, I don't have the fears I did last time. But I also don't want to have a 12-pound baby or a c-section.

We agreed to discuss it this coming week after we see if I've made any progress. I was scheduled to be induced with Elle, too, and I wonder if my body was just waiting to finish work and knew that the end was near and finally was just ready to have that baby ... maybe the same will be true this time? My last day of work is July 3, so after that, maybe Wesley will sense that all major obligations have been fulfilled and my body and mind can relax?

Weekly Wisdom: The end is near, the end is near ...

Milestones: Fulllllllll terrrrrrmmmmm. Still no major complications, my blood pressure has been stellar and I'm not feeling terribly awful. All in all, not a bad way to wrap up a pregnancy. 

My pregnancy with Elle - week 37 update here. Comparison photo here:
 

Week 36 update

Baby is STILL the size of a honeydew.

How far along? 36 weeks.

Total weight gain/loss: According to the doctor's office, I gained six pounds in two weeks. I am attributing that to Poptarts, ice cream, swelling and wearing jeans/sneakers instead of a skirt/flip flops like my last visit. Dr. S. (shockingly) didn't mention it, so I'm not going to worry about it at this point, either, and just try to cut back a little on the munching, especially since my activity level is going down.

Maternity clothes? Things are getting short and tight and my wearable wardrobe consists of just a handful of items.

Best moment this week: Weekly doctor's appointments from here on out! Getting CLOSE!

Symptoms: Cramps, exhaustion, heart burn, restlessness, crying, swelling, etc.

Movement: I didn't work out much this week. I've gotten to the point where my regular daily activities feel like a massive endeavor, but I do hope to get to the gym a few more times in the coming weeks for walks.

Food cravings: Carbs and sweets. No good, no good at all. I did have a day where I just wanted salads. But that didn't keep me from also wanting the high-calorie stuff, too.

Aversions: Must avoid office candy dish.

Gender? IT'S A BOY!

Sleep: I can't get enough, and I'm not getting enough. It's frustrating - I'm too tired to do anything, and I'm too restless to sleep. I am getting about 6-7 hours of sleep a night, but since it is broken by frequent wake ups and potty breaks, it doesn't feel like a good sleep.

What I miss: Having energy to play with Elle ... even cuddling with her is tricky because of my huge belly and my restless legs. I feel like she's getting the short end of the parenting stick here with me because I'm just so large and uncomfortable and tired - I really can't do much with her like I'd like to :(

What I am looking forward to: Being full term! And not being pregnant anymore in the Florida heat!

Weekly Wisdom: Just because you feel like you've been pregnant forever doesn't mean you have.

Milestones: I'm going to take it as a milestone at this point - I've been having a lot of cramps and back pain this week. I mentioned it at my doctor's appointment, and the doctor said that it was probably from the baby's head starting to drop slightly. My boss also noted that she could tell I'd dropped quite a bit in the last few days. I'm all about progress, people, big or little, so even though I know it doesn't mean much, it makes the cramps more bearable when I think of them as productive.

My pregnancy with Elle - week 36 update here.

Week 35 update

Baby is STILL the size of a honeydew.

How far along? 35 weeks.

Total weight gain/loss: I don't think we're heading in a good direction here.


Maternity clothes? I can't wait until I can pack away my maternity clothes and stop living with two completely different sized wardrobes in my closet.

Best moment this week: Hitting 35 weeks/35 days?

Symptoms: So exhausted. So much heartburn. So much twitchy legs. So much swelling (although not as much as I had with Elle). So much not being able to breath because there is a baby high up in my rib cage.

Movement: Wesley isn't quite as active as he has been, but when he's awake and wants to move around, I'm completely aware. The movements stretch in new directions and

Food cravings: Ice cream. Poptarts. Candy. Food, food, food. I can't eat enough (and I'm feeling extra fat because of it). I'm not eating all that well - I'm kind of in a "this is the end" mentality, and since I'm still eating lots of fruits, veggies, etc., I somehow justify all of the crap I'm also eating. Oy.

Aversions: I should probably be avoiding the high-calorie, high-fat stuff. Should be ...

Gender? IT'S A BOY!

Sleep: I can't get enough, and I'm not getting enough. It's frustrating - I'm too tired to do anything, and I'm too restless to sleep.

What I miss: Being able to relax without my legs spazzing out. Being able to sit and breathe like a normal person. Being able to wear normal clothes.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting this baby!

Weekly Wisdom: Just because nothing tastes good doesn't mean you have to eat everything trying to find one thing that proves you wrong.

Milestones: My belly button is most definitely out now more than it is in.

My pregnancy with Elle - week 35 update here.

Please chime in: Preparing for a second child

We are now one week from being considered full-term, and I'm in full nesting mode. There is no nursery to decorate this time, and no major baby purchases to research and make aside from one or two that aren't really necessary yet. There aren't childbirth classes to attend or hospital tours to take, and I'm not obsessively reading up on every facet of birth, delivery and newborn care I can get my hands on. We've got drawers full of baby boy clothes and have purchased most of the few things we had that were girl-specific (towels, blankets, etc.). Most of the girl stuff that Elle no longer uses/wears/needs has been consigned/donated/gifted, and in the grand scheme of things, we're in pretty good shape to welcome this baby in to our home.

But I do have a few things swimming around in my head, some of which I hope to blog about before Baby Boy makes his arrival. There are a few things I'd like to solicit opinions on, though, and learn from the experiences of others (because frankly, I've found that many of our best purchases and decisions were made based on advice from others, and I'm at a point where I have enough to worry about/prepare for :))

Sooooo, as we prepare to become a two-child household (or three, depending on how I might be classifying my husband on any given day - LOVE YOU, BABE!), I ask you, my friendly, helpful readers:

1. What recommendations do you have for infant carriers/wraps? We have an Ergo that Elle never really fell in love with, and I tried a Moby-type wrap as well as a sling briefly with her, but to be honest, I was easily frustrated and probably didn't give baby-wearing as much of a try as I wanted. With one kid, too, it wasn't all that hard to hold her when needed/desired, but life with a toddler and an infant will be different, and I'd like to at least explore the option further. I'm imagining not only wear-around-the-house occasions but also "we're at the grocery store and Elle is in the cart" uses. Please keep in mind that I sweat that it's nobody's business under normal circumstances, so attaching a warm body to me in the Florida summer could be problematic (and this was part of the reason I didn't use the Ergo much with Elle until she was closer to one year old).

2. What's your favorite stroller for two for trips/errands/etc.? I've been intrigued by the Sit-N-Stand since we found out we were expecting. Elle isn't a huge stroller-rider, but there will be times when I think having the option of her being in/on a stroller will be invaluable. We have our single Snap-N-Go that I love, too. We will be using the Chicco KeyFit 30 infant carseat, too, and need a stroller that would work with that.

3. What's your favorite, affordable double jogging stroller? I'm not convinced a double jogger will be necessary, since Elle is probably nearing her threshold of "let's be outside but contained in a stroller while Mom runs" and it will be several months before Wesley will be able to ride in a jogger. We have a used Baby Trend jogger that could easily be deemed one of the best Craigslist purchases I ever made. Having the availability of the jogger, though, for the beach or more rugged terrain, would be a definite convenience.

4. Favorite nursing bras? I'm not in love with any that I used the first time, so I'm open to suggestions, as I plan to breastfeed (and pump when I return to work) again this time around, hopefully for at least the first year.

5. Recommendations on a trash can that can be used as a diaper pail for cloth diapers? I'm looking for what you've found works best to keep kids out and odors in. We had one I really liked for when Elle was in diapers, but it was thrown out and now I'm looking again. I'd prefer something white, not huge and not super pricey.

6. Easy meal recipes and food prep suggestions? As it is, I usually get Elle at daycare and am home around 5:30 p.m. On the nights that Tim is able to come home for dinner, we eat at 6:15, so I have 45 minutes or less to make dinner on my own. Elle usually winds down from daycare and plays near the kitchen or watches some videos on the iPad while I make dinner now (except for last night, when I nearly overcooked the chicken and pasta I was preparing because Elle had to poop twice while I was cooking - potty training over poor timing on that one ...), but having another kid will completely change our evening dynamic. While on maternity leave, I know that time frame won't be as rigid, but we'll be working on getting in to a flow on many levels. When I go back to work, getting a toddler and an infant from daycare and then getting home and being able to cook will be even more of a challenge, so I'm looking for quick meals that can be prepped the night/day before. I'm also a huge fan of the slow cooker and am always on the lookout for tried-and-true crock pot recipes. We're not a super picky family, although Tim doesn't like super creamy dishes or leftovers, and we try to eat fairly healthy.

7. Suggestions on winning lottery numbers and/or nannies/maids/cooks that might work full-time and for free? Hey, can't blame me for trying :)

I'm sure there are many other things I could be (and maybe should be) thinking about at this point, but this is what is on my mind right now. Please chime in via the comments or shoot me an e-mail at seacowcircus@gmail.com - and let me know if there is anything else I need to learn/consider while preparing to expand our family. Muchas gracias!

Week 34 update

Baby is STILL the size of a honeydew.

How far along? 34 weeks.

Total weight gain/loss: Gained two pounds in two weeks. Wheeeeee!


Maternity clothes? Haaaattteeeee theeeemmmmmm.

Best moment this week: Um, we got birthday cake and free pizza at work? And I've got one month left of work before maternity leave!

Symptoms: The intense stomach pain. Linea negra has appeared on my stomach. Absolutely nothing tastes good, yet I can't eat enough. Not being able to breath because there is a mini-human wedged high up in my rib cage. Braxton-Hicks contractions - definitely have been having them more frequently and more noticeably than I did with Elle.

Movement: This kid wants out. I know it. My workouts are mostly at the gym now because the heat and humidity are just too much ... plus it is easier to have a contraction while on an elliptical in a gym than while walking in the neighborhood.

Food cravings: More fruit and ice cream. Waffles.

Aversions: I should just avoid food. Soda still gives me heartburn.

Gender? IT'S A BOY!

Sleep: I'm up several times a night to pee now ... I practically walk to the bathroom in my sleep. Which is good, because I have a heck of a time falling asleep initially. My legs don't stop twitching, I'm hot, I can't get comfortable, etc. I am looking forward to sleeping again.

What I miss: Being able to reach the sink without maneuvering around my huge belly. Not being exhausted on a daily basis.

What I am looking forward to: Finishing more projects - our kitchen and bedroom are more organized/less cluttered than they have been in years. I bought a few things in the last few weeks that have helped round out our preparation for Wesley's arrival, and it's definitely feeling very real now!

Weekly Wisdom: This second pregnancy thing is no where near as easy as it was the first time. I think working two jobs and going to school was easier than this pregnancy has been.

Milestones: Everything looks great on the medical end! Baby is growing and measuring perfectly, and although I can tell by the location of the daily hiccups, Dr. S. confirmed that he is head-down and in a good position for the last few weeks. Dr. S. said Wesley won't flip at this point, and heaven help me and my body is this kid tries to ... just a few more weeks until I'll be full-term and we can be on a daily baby watch!

My pregnancy with Elle - week 34 update here.

Week 33 update

Baby is the size of a honeydew.

How far along? 33 weeks.

Total weight gain/loss: Steadyish. After weeks of not really having much of an appetite, I suddenly couldn't get enough to eat this week. Hoping that doesn't show up on the scale next week ...

Maternity clothes? Gah.

Best moment this week: Nesting - got lots of projects worked on and feeling more prepared for Wesley's arrival!


Symptoms: A whole mix of fun - constipation, soreness, exhaustion, heartburn, stomach pain ...

Movement: This baby has got some serious strength. I spend a lot of time gasping and groaning as I feel his movements - it's quite painful.


Food cravings: Pizzzzzzza. And cheese. And ice cream. And still lots of fruit. And salad. And M&Ms. OK, mostly the pizza and M&Ms. 

Aversions: Still the breakfast grains.


Gender? IT'S A BOY!

Sleep: Not sleeping well at all. I'm tired, just can't get comfortable or stay asleep.

What I miss: Sleeping well.   

What I am looking forward to: Wrapping up some projects and organizing. I feel like everything takes a ridiculous amount of time and energy to finish these days, but I'm trying to chip away at everything as I can.

Weekly Wisdom: Try to treasure every moment, even the tiring, painful ones.


Milestones: I got a haircut - I didn't want short hair, but I wanted less hair. She ended up cutting more off than I expected, and now it is shorter than I think it was at any point during my pregnancy with Elle ... which means it is the shortest it has been in almost three years. It'll grow back, and I don't hate it - I just miss my longer hair.


My pregnancy with Elle - week 33 update here.