I nearly didn't take it this morning. I got up at 5:25 a.m., peed, put the urine on the test from Dollar Tree, noticing that I didn't measure out the urine droplets as carefully as usual and noticing that the window got pinker faster than it has in the past. I quickly glanced at the test as I gathered all of the packaging to throw it away. I hadn't gotten my hopes up, so I did a quick double-take as I saw a second line for the first time. I rubbed my eyes and looked again. And then I broke out in a huge smile and started shaking.
I darted in to the bedroom and quickly turned around. I skipped in to the spare bedroom, going to the closet that has the Baby Rock Lullabies CD that I've been planning to give Tim to tell him when we eventually were pregnant.
I quickly decided that a 5:30 a.m. wakeup with THIS kind of news is not the way I wanted to tell him. I debated calling off work from my part-time job so I could tell Tim at a decent hour, but I also felt like a) I'd still wake him up right away and b) then he'd feel compelled to tell his friends this afternoon while watching the football game. I thought about telling him AT the bar while we were watching the games, but I wanted it to be much more private, especially since this is no doubt extremely early. I finally decided it would have to wait until the end of the day, and I've played it quite cool. I'm not sure how, especially considering the fact that he commented on my work schedule causing issues for conception. And when his coworkers talked about their boss and her husband, who are expecting a child in June, I had to keep my mouth shut - I'm estimating we'll be a month or two later.
I took a photo of the first test, just to prove that I hadn't imagined it. I started to analyze everything I'd had to eat or drink in the last month. I started to think about when the conception had occurred. I spent my entire shift dreaming of the ways we'll tell people - the order, the delivery, the agony it will be to not tell everyone righthissecond.
While at work, I nearly blurted the news out every time I saw someone. The manager. My coworker Mindy. The office girl, Lauren. Customers.
I saw kids all over the store, and my near immediate thoughts - for the first time ever - were "I'm going to have one of THOSE."
And Tim is going about his day with absolutely no clue that his life is about to change FOREVER. Meanwhile, I'm worried about the heavy stuff I lift at work. About the lack of sleep I've been getting. About the possibility of miscarriage. But I'm praying for the best and enjoying this excitement, shocked that when I least expected it, I got the positive pregnancy test. I'll still be calling the doctor, but this time to schedule a completely different appointment. I want to discuss the lifting and sleeping issues with my doctor, and if he says they're dangerous, I'll tell the Michael's managers that I need to alter my work schedule/duties.
But back to the story of what happened today ... after Michael's, I went to Target. I bought a digital pregnancy test (they were even on sale!) because I wanted the idiot-proof word: "Pregnant." (I took pictures of both tests after the confirmation from the second :))
(A photo of both tests.)I bought more prenatal vitamins, because the ones I had been taking had been making me sick. At least, I think they've been making me sick - maybe it's been the baby!
Luckily, Tim wasn't home when I arrived home, so I didn't have to worry about hiding stuff. I had some onesies and had bought some iron-on decals of "ABCD" with an AC/DC look and "Born to Rock" a few months ago.
I ironed them on (and was not pleased with the results, but the overall message is there!), put the pregnancy tests and the rock lullaby CD in a gift bag and am ready to give it to him when I get home. I told him I had a gift for him, but he thinks it had to have come from Michael's "so it must not be any good." He also thinks that it's for the Christmas tree, which we're planning to put up tomorrow night. Boy will Christmas be different next year! :) The bad thing is I work at the newspaper until at least 11:30 tonight and have to be up at 4:30 tomorrow morning. The good thing is that I'm so excited I don't care! I couldn't even call my mom for my daily phone call home today because I worried I'd spill the news. I desperately want to tell someone - but I want to share the news with Tim first. I can't wait :)
My next few days off are going to be a blur of keeping secrets and selectively sharing the joy :)
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