Time

When you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant, the clock is completely skewed. I've realized that even more as we're heading in to the final weeks of this pregnancy. I've been amazed at how time has dragged and flown throughout this entire process, and when you think about it, it really starts wayyyyy before you even find out you're pregnant.

For most people, you spend a good portion of your fertile days trying to not get pregnant. (High school, college, before you meet the right person, etc.) Then you meet your soulmate and start to think about adding to the family. So you switch gears and try to get pregnant. For some people, this doesn't take long, for others, it can take years. You might just throw caution to the wind, or you might chart and test, test and chart. Then, if the stars align and you succeed in getting pregnant, you try to stay pregnant. I think the time when you start trying to get pregnant goes only slightly slower than trying to stay pregnant. For multiple reasons, most of them completely uncontrollable, you battle through the "safe period" of first trimester, when you have very little reassurance aside from perhaps nausea or other symptoms that things are going as they should in your belly. You can't feel the baby yet, you don't really have a belly, and you live in constant terror that something could go wrong. (Well, I live in fairly constant terror, but I *am* a worrier, after all.)

For me, first trimester dragged on because of the nausea, too. I was exhausted, sick and miserable for about the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy. I swore that if that feeling lasted the whole pregnancy this would be an only child. I prayed each day that it wouldn't start, and when it inevitably did, I prayed for it to end. It finally did, so there is hope for a future sibling for Elle, and it feels like so long ago I can't vividly remember the horrid times. I still remember being miserable, but it is no longer the only thing I remember from the earlier months of this pregnancy.

After you've waited impatiently for first trimester for end, you want the second trimester to last forever - you get your energy back, most people's nausea subsides, and you enjoy the cute, comfortable pregnancy stage when you start showing, you start feeling little kicks and you feel like you've got all the time in the world and the worst is over. The only way this trimester might drag is if you have complications or when you miss your alcohol and caffeine (sigh).

Then third trimester hits and you freak out because you realize "Holycrapababyiscomingandwe'rerunningoutoftime." By some evil twist of fate, your energy might drop around this same time, and since you're quickly becoming the size of a small blimp, it is harder to motivate yourself to do anything more than scoop some ice cream in to a bowl and settle in to a depression you've created on the couch. There is also a rush of excitement with the third tri terror, because you realize that sooner than later, you will meet the little bugger who has been worrying you to death and kicking and poking the crap out of you. (But this also results in more terror because you realize you're going to have to PARENT and TAKE CARE of this baby, which will be much more challenging when it is out of your safe, controlled womb and in the big, bad real world.) When you get to the near-end of third trimester, you can feel two ways (I alternate between the two on an hourly basis): 1. Relief that you likely still have "x" amount of weeks of 2. Panic that you might only have "x" amount of weeks.

I am fully aware that I could go in to labor in about 12 days and have a full-term baby. However, for my sanity, I choose to focus on the fact that I am likely to go another 2-5 weeks without going in to labor. I am completely OK with that, because physically, I am still relatively comfortable, and while I am getting more excited and anxious by the day to meet our daughter, I have plenty to keep me busy and know she's in a good place right now.

I think if I were having complications or was physically uncomfortable or completely bored out of my mind, this time would be dragging. But I am in the "third tri flies" camp - it seems like just yesterday we had hit the halfway point of this pregnancy. It seems like just yesterday that 40 weeks would never arrive. And now the 40-week mark seems like such a moving target, and we've done so much to prepare for this baby. If she arrived today, we'd be fine, but if she took another two or three weeks, I'd be down with that, too. We've packed the last 35 weeks with renovations, improvements, appointments, classes, tours, tests, showers, laundry, purchases, trips, lots of "firsts" ... and now we're nearly at the end. I am actually at a point where I'm relaxing - because at this point, there isn't much that *has* to be done, and there isn't much that I can do to prepare. The fear of first trimester seems so far away right now. The energy of second trimester is a distant memory. Instead of making lists appointments to schedule, tasks to complete and items to buy, we're going over the "must text when Elle arrives" list. Packing the hospital bag. Enjoying a few last nights of just relaxing on the couch or sleeping through the night (well, *some* people sleep through the night - others must wake every two hours to pee. But still.).

This blog is almost two years old, and I know, the majority of the posts have come, fast and furious, in the last 8 months. I have no doubt that the next two years will pass equally as fast as the last two. And these next 2-5 weeks?! Holy. Geez.