Tomorrow

Tomorrow I go back to work. I'm not going to dwell on it, but to say I'm sad about it would be an understatement, and while I'm grateful for the nearly 11 weeks of paid time off I got to take (made possible by short-term disability time off and extra vacation and personal time I tacked on to the end of it), I wish there was a way we could afford for me to not work full-time.

I'm trying to focus on the fact that I'm providing for our daughter, and someday, I might be able to stay at home with her.

But right now, I have to work.

I'm fortunate that Tim is off tomorrow and will be taking care of her on my first day of many away from her. And even though my work schedule leaves much to be desired, it does allow Elle to be with either Tim or I almost all the time. We like our sitter, and I know that Tim or the sitter will take good care of Elle. It just kills me that after our nearly three months constantly together, we're now going to be apart.

We've spent today ignoring the errands I should have run, pushing aside the urgency of my growing to-do list and paying no attention to the last-minute projects I could try to finish. I realize that I'm going to work full-time and will have significantly less time to catch up on all of the things I already feel dramatically behind on, but today was about this:

She's been a little off schedule and feverish from her vaccinations yesterday, so we've cuddled, napped, played, read books and went for a walk. Biggest mistake of the day? Reading this book without a box of tissues next to me. 

Do I know how I'm going to get through tomorrow? No. But I will, and I'll be flying out of bed to greet her when she wakes up the next morning with her cheesy grin.