Weighty matters

I did really well losing my baby weight, which shocked me because I've never had an easy time with weight loss or weight maintenance. I was breastfeeding, I was a busy mama who didn't have a lot of time to eat, I was mindful of what I was putting in my mouth and enjoyed working out - either with the baby or as "me time." I was actually about 10 pounds lower than my pre-pregnancy weight for a while, and I was happy with it. When I trained for the half-marathon relay with my sister, I made a huge effort to run several miles a week, several days a week, so I wouldn't injure myself or make the papers by dying during the race because I was out of shape. I like pictures of me from around that time - I look healthy and healthy.

At a happier weight.

But soon after the half-marathon relay, it got super hot in Florida, and I didn't run outside much. That means I run on a treadmill now, or a "dreadmill" as some runners call it. I don't mind the treadmill - my gym has a TV on each one, it's easy to keep track of my distance and time, and it's in an air-conditioned, dry environment. In Florida, the "too hot for Kristin to run outside" season lasts from April until about November. But I don't exactly push myself when I run indoors. I get bored easily, so I do intervals (varying speed and incline as well as rest periods of walking), and I by the time I drive there and drive back, I'm cornered in to a fairly tight window of time. I went shopping the other day (for boots, mostly, but I was also looking at cute fall tops), and I was absolutely depressed by the time I was done. I hated the way everything looked on me, the way I looked in the fitting room mirror. I'm not happy in my own skin. I don't like to look at photos of myself.

Something needs to change.

My weekly mileage is far less than it was earlier this year. I'm no longer breastfeeding. I've been traveling and celebrating, and therefore packing the pounds back on. I'm back to around my pre-pregnancy weight (fluctuating to a bit higher sometimes, shamefully), but as a person who has been frequently told she "hides her weight well," I fear that I'm no longer hiding it well. It pretty much goes to my belly and hangs out there. And my face. And I just hate knowing that I'm carrying around extra pounds.

I've always struggled with my weight (and that's another topic for another post). And I've always been very conscious of my weight, to a point where it's been downright unhealthy. A few months ago, when I realized my clothes were fitting more snuggly, I tried to watch what I ate. I've now realized I could write a series on the eating habits of (the majority of) journalists. In summary, it's not pretty. Sit at a desk. Work crazy hours. Operate on tight deadlines. Exist on caffeine and sugar to get you through the crazy hours and tight deadlines. Collapse. Rinse, repeat. Which leaves little room for eating healthy or exercising regularly unless you make it a priority. And I do, more than a lot of people. But I also can't say no to the office candy jar. I give in to treats quite easily. And I found that because of my work/sleep schedule, I was eating very little when I was home during the morning and afternoon, and then I was grazing at work (on healthy stuff that I had packed, but still, continuously eating). I would eat a salad, grapes, yogurt, a granola bar, etc. I seemed to operate better on a steady flow of food. But when I tracked my calories, it really added up. And I'd often be starving for something when I got home, when my willpower was weakest.

Not even two weeks in to the new job, and I can see where my new schedule might be a very, very good thing in helping me lose the weight and tone up. I'm waking up early to go to the gym. I'm going for walks with Elle in the evenings and weekends. (Including two runs/walks outside with the stroller this weekend when the weather was absolutely phenomenal.) I make dinner for us each night, and I'm trying to prepare healthy food (using a lot of recipes from Gina's Skinny Taste). The office is so small and I'm so new that I don't feel comfortable eating like I did at my old job - I'm eating my three square meals and sometimes a snack at night. (My weekend eating habits are still wonky, but you gotta start somewhere!) I'm not eating super late. There's no office candy jar. These people don't even know that I have a baking blog!

I'm still not as consistent as I'd like to be with tracking my calories (I've been using MyFitnessPal), but I'm taking steps in the right direction. I've worked out five days in a row, including three days before work. My clothes are fitting a bit better already, just a few weeks in my "re-commitment." I don't think trying to implement a complete life overhaul while undergoing the major transition to the new job and schedule is the best thing, but as a college friend of mine used to say, I'm just being "the best Kristin I can be." (Hi Cindy!) Being back at my pre-pregnancy weight isn't a bad thing, but since that number was a good 10 pounds above where I wanted to be anyway, I'm not pleased with where I am and how I am. Do I wish it were easier? Yes. But it is what it is. 

My goals are to tone up, feel better about myself and drop 18 pounds, which includes a few pounds that have always been a PITA to get rid of. (I'm down one already, whee!) I'm going to do it in a smart way and take it slow and steady with a combination of watching what I eat and working out. I want to be able to look at photos of myself and not cringe. Feel strong and fit. Have more energy.

And when I reach my goal, go shopping for a new wardrobe :)

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