Baby weight

Oh, hey there, rambly weight-loss post. 

Tim and I are in a competition - a competition to see who can lose 10 pounds first. I'm pretty sure he's going to win, although the surgery has definitely put him at a disadvantage, as he can't workout until he gets the staples removed this week.

There's also the fact that he cheats :) My definition of cheating in this sense is that he'll eat only one, large meal, or cut back on how many Pepsis he has until he reaches his goal. I have cut back on my soda consumption quite a bit over the last few months, so when I indulge, it's in a Diet Coke, so I'm not drinking a lot of empty calories already.

But I don't care much about the short-term result - I love the fact that we're motivating each other and sharing a common goal (despite the different approaches). Sure, there are subtle attempts at sabotage ("Hey, why don't you have another piece of pizza?" or "You should skip the gym and just rest"), but we haven't succumbed to the taunts. And the scale is ever-so-slowly showing progress that I like - step by step, to my goal.

As part of my continued fitness and weight-loss commitment, I've registered for a 10K at the end of the month. Several of my coworkers are running a 5K at the same event, and really, I'm not going to be as well-trained as I want to be for the 10K, but I'm going to go in to it with the understanding that I'll probably end up walking part of it. Training has been interrupted by my need for new running shoes, which I got yesterday but need to break in. And I'm not in a place where I've been training for speed, and my endurance training isn't nearly up to par for a 10K.

The 10K is a nice motivation for me, and when I want to skip a workout or run I remember that preparing for the run will make it less painful and more successful.

But my workouts are also motivated by something that has bothered me for several months: "Baby weight."

Because I don't consider myself to still have it.

I lost my baby weight, and then some, pretty quickly after Elle was born. I was breastfeeding, I was training for a half-marathon relay, I was back to work and busy. I didn't have to do much and still the weight came off. I figured if I didn't go crazy and stuff my face with Little Debbies and sit on the couch every day, it would be easy to maintain.

Apparently I was wrong. (Or I ate Little Debbies in my sleep.)

At a happier weight, circa 2008.
My first experience with sushi,
and oh yeah, I <3 food.

I've struggled with weight for as long as I can remember. The battles range from disturbing bouts with anorexia (in middle school and college) to success with Weight Watchers (before our wedding). I think the gain this time came largely from the fact that my weekly running mileage dropped drastically once the half-marathon relay training was over and the Florida heat set in. I love running outside - the "dreadmill" and other gym equipment aren't as convenient or enjoyable. Then when I changed jobs I was suddenly home for dinner every night and prepared a meal instead of grabbing a snack or packing a frozen meal. My toddler daughter was also eating the same food as me, so if she didn't clean her plate I couldn't just let the food go to waste.

I've hated the idea that people who haven't known me - from before my wedding, after my wedding, before the baby, after the baby, etc. - just think that I'm carrying around an extra 10-15 pounds that I couldn't shake after pregnancy. The only impact on this most recent weight gain from my pregnancy is the fact that much of the extra poundage has settled in around my belly. And I know that it isn't easy to a) limit weight gain during pregnancy and b) lose weight - even though this isn't my baby weight, I know what it's like to weigh more than you'd like or chase those last few pounds. I hate the fact that I gained back "Kristin weight" after my pregnancy - weight I've struggled with for more than two decades.

Definitely baby weight.

So now when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I am tempted to ignore my 5:45 a.m. wake up call, I remind myself that it would be easy to go back to bed - and it was easy to gain the weight. It's going to take hard work and dedication to lose the weight, which is why I drag myself out of bed, go to the gym and track my calories throughout the day. I am mindful of what I'm going through now and confident that I won't fall victim to it again. I was in a mindset where I didn't pay attention to my caloric input/output was, and those calories added up. Since I've had a less-than-healthy relationship with food, I've always tried to be cognizant of fueling my body with good calories, but because of that track record with food, I think I often overcompensate, not wanting to associate with any of my anorexic tendencies. Plus I'm human, and I love sweets.

My once-obsessive relationship with exercise (although I wouldn't have admitted it at the time, I definitely had exercise bulimia) has turned - I enjoy working out for much more than the calories I burn. I feel good about working out. I feel stronger, more awake, more clear-headed. My time at the gym is my largest chunk of time to myself, with no other obligations, all week. My stroller runs with Elle on the weekend are a fun way to get out of the house and get some fresh air. Exercise is not a compulsion anymore - it's something I feel good about and like having as part of my regular routine.

I continue my fight against my post-baby non-baby weight. It's not easy, but every pound gone is empowering and brings me closer to my goal (and perhaps closer to winning a bet :)).

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