Two.

Dear Elle,

Today is your second birthday. I know it shouldn't have hit me so hard, but I found myself thinking back to that day two years ago a lot today. Two years ago this morning, I was in labor but had not yet met you. By the afternoon, it had been two years since I officially became a mother - had held you in my arms, nursed you and memorized your puffy little features. By the evening, it had been two years since we had called everyone with the news that we were now a family of three. I remember so many details of that day - it feels like it was just yesterday, yet so much has happened that it is hard to believe it has only been two years.

Your first birthday was bittersweet, because it was the FIRST. You had changed so much in those first twelve months, and then you were one. Your second birthday is emotional because the past year has gone so incredibly fast. I fear time will not slow down and it will feel like tomorrow and you will be 10. Once you started walking and talking, time sped up and keeps snowballing as the days and milestones blur together.

As your personality has emerged, there are definitely days where I feel overwhelmed by this responsibility of motherhood. I often feel that I am not enough - not patient enough, not creative enough, not fun enough, not good enough. But there are twice as many moments - moments that are much easier and happier to remember - that leave me in absolute awe that I get to be your mother and leave me thinking that I must be do something halfway right to have a daughter as remarkable as you.

It amazes me to see how you make connections and pick up on the smallest details. I often think there is nothing you could do to be any more entertaining. There are days where I am in an absolutely awful mood and I think of something you said or did weeks ago and I can't help but smile.

And while you are smart and funny and adorable, you are also very determined, charming, compassionate and emotional. You have wiped away my tears and comforted me with a reassuring "It's OK, Mommy. Don't be sad." You get upset when you don't understand why you can't have or do something, and you'll melt in to your blankie and furiously suck your thumb like your life depends on it. You have endless energy and such a passion for so many things, whether it be fruit snacks or singing or cooking in your play kitchen. You don't do anything halfway, which is both exhausting and inspiring to watch :)

One of your favorite books is "On The Night You Were Born." I always make sure you know that you weren't born at night - it was a bright, sunny morning that I vividly remember - but much of the book still rings true, and as I read it to you last night my voice broke and I got choked up. Baby Girl, the book is so true:

On the night you were born,
the moon smiled with such wonder
that the stars peeked in to see you
and the night wind whispered
“Life will never be the same.”
Because there had never been anyone like you . . . ever in the world.

Life will never be the same, but I couldn't ask for anything more. Happy second birthday, Boo Bear - can't wait to see how you grow and develop in the next twelve months!

Love,

Mommy