But over the last few weeks, Elle's excitement about Santa grew, and my mommy guilt over missing a childhood memory grew as well. I decided I needed this to happen, to make Elle's third Christmas full of magical memories (I know, I know) and keep a tradition of visiting Santa each year alive.
So last night, despite being absolutely exhausted and not feeling well, I searched once again for local Santa appearances. I really didn't want to go to the mall and shell out a bunch of money, especially if Elle spazzed at the mere sight of Santa like last year. I just wanted a simple, local Santa appearance. I was bummed that Tim wouldn't be able to come with us (I was still envisioning this fantastic connection between Elle and Santa) because of work, but I figured we'd make the most of it and I'd take pictures so he could see just how perfect everything was (in my mind).
I e-mailed the woman who heads up a local family events Facebook page, and she sent me a few events for the weekend, none of which I had been aware of. I did some research on them, decided that an event this morning at an area guide dog office sounded perfect, and I planned our day around that. They were going to have guide dog puppies (puppies!) AND Santa, it was free, it wasn't too far away, etc.
I told Tim and Elle about it, and Elle was jumping up and down, excitedly chanting "Santa! Santa! Santa!" and "Puppies! Puppies! Puppies!" Every few minutes, she ask "Can we leave to see the puppies and Santa?" and "When are we going, Mama?" We headed out for the guide dog office and ran in to major parking issues, but I decided it was worth walking quite a bit to get to see this magical, perfect holiday moment come to life.
We got to the office, and there were several people behind us waiting to get in the door. I didn't realize it until a second later, but Elle was causing a traffic jam because she was so desperately trying to get OUT of the door. I managed to get her in the doorway, but she'd seen Santa and buried her head in my shoulder and put a death grip on my arm. She was terrified of Santa, the guide dogs, the guide dog puppies. Gone was the excitement and non-stop chattering about Santa and puppies. The ideal photo op? This is what I got:
That's the angle that resulted from the death grip, and you can see the fear in her face. That was also before one of the guide dog volunteers acted like we were crazy for passing on a chance to sit with the puppies, but I could tell that would also not go over well with Elle, and I wasn't going to push it.
She did get close enough to Santa to snatch a candy cane from him (candy that she claimed was broken the entire walk back to the car) and refuse to answer any of his questions - he wanted to know if she had been a good girl, what she wanted him to bring her on Christmas (she's told me "presents" and specified "rocks, toys and presents" when pushed), and if she wanted to pet the guide dog sitting next to him (that was a big jolly fat no).
So we left, with no awe-inspiring memories or any magical present revelations. I'm fine with Elle not "getting" Santa yet, but I think that her excitement had led me to expect (foolishly) that she'd be happy to see him in person. And for the rest of the day, she didn't show any fear when we talked about him, mentioned again that he's going to put presents for her under the tree, etc. If I didn't know better, I would think that we could visit Santa tomorrow and things would go fabulously.
The funniest part of the day, though? Elle's recap of the experience about an hour later, when we were at the grocery store: "Santa gave me a candy cane, and I was freaking out." I burst out laughing in the cereal aisle at that one :)
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