This time around

written 12.16.12

This pregnancy is definitely different. It felt like it was harder to achieve, first of all - more frustrating months and days spent analyzing my cycle, test days, etc. More negative tests.

After that, there weren't quite as many nerves. Especially once the morning sickness started, I didn't worry as much. Instead of worrying that I was no longer pregnant, I worried about how the heck I'd manage a pregnancy with a toddler, and eventually, life with two kids. (Still worry about that one - will let you know when I figure it all out.)

Then there was the telling people. We have been telling the masses a lot earlier this time - now that we have had our first appointment and things look great, we haven't really held back.

My cycles were especially screwy when we got pregnant last time, so instead of the standard 8-10 week first appointment time frame, we snuck in at 6 weeks. Not having to wait so long was awesome. When things looked good at that first ultrasound, I told my bosses at my old job when I was 6 or 7 weeks along because I was so sick. This time, I waited until nine weeks, again after our first appointment. Instead of several departments' worth of staffers at my old job after we heard the heartbeat at 14 weeks, the news trickled out quickly to my slightly more than two dozen coworkers soon after I told my bosses.

The symptoms have been similar, but different. I remember that my boobs hurt so bad with Elle that it hurt to wear a bra. It hurt not to wear a bra. Basically, it hurt all the time. This time, I haven't had nearly as much pain, and it only lasted like a week or two - not a month or two. Nausea-wise, it's the opposite - I was sick last time, but not nearly this sick. I feel awful - like, really awful - all the time this time. Last time, it was more of a dull, constant "feel like crap" feeling. Like clockwork, around 2 p.m., I suddenly feel like I'm going to die.

Last time, I had excess saliva like whoa and felt like I was always spitting. It was gross, it didn't really help, but I didn't know what else to do. This time, I get the excess saliva occasionally, but nothing as bad. I have a bad taste in my mouth a lot now, and I didn't notice that as much with Elle. I had more intense heartburn earlier this time. (I'm hoping that doesn't stick around.) I've had incredible stomach pain and digestive issues this time around (expect a separate blog post on my tummy woes later). The fatigue seems more intense, but I think I can attribute that to my 29-month-old. So far, I haven't had the time to get as emotional as I did in my first pregnancy. I am sure I will have my moments of freakout, but I haven't had the time yet.

The excitement level seems lower with this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong: It's not that people aren't excited, it's just this isn't the first pregnancy, the first round of announcing the big news. Granted, Tim's delivery of the news has been subdued (with a "Kristin's pregnant again" as we're all standing around getting ready to leave for dinner, or "We're going to have another baby" as we sat and waited for the waiter to take our order). I think being able to tell so many people face-to-face was amazing, and we orchestrated a few "big announcement" type reveals, but in other instances, it's been kind of awkward, which I hate. I'm excited - yes, sick and scared and not exactly energetic - but I am excited, and I want to share that. It just feels different. Last time, we got dozens of congratulations cards after our news went public. This time? We've gotten one (edited to add: we've received one more since then - thanks, J!). We've gotten plenty of well wishes on Facebook, via text, etc., but it's definitely not the same, and I can't say that surprises me. Some people know - they've heard from Tim or from a friend - but they haven't said anything because they weren't sure if it was public yet. They feel weird congratulating me because they aren't sure that they are supposed to know. The news is definitely trickling out faster this time, but not completely, if that makes sense. The pregnancy itself is flying by.

And the most recent difference-maker? Elle spilled the beans to our babysitter. I was rushing out the door when she arrived, so I figured I'd tell her the news when I got back. When I went to announce it, she said that the door had barely shut when Elle said "Mommy has a baby in her belly." That freaking cracked me up. I definitely didn't have a pint-sized secret sharer with the first pregnancy :)

The doctor says my nausea will likely follow a path similar to my first pregnancy. I'm hoping that since it is worse, it will end sooner. In both pregnancies, I've lost weight at the beginning. I'll likely have the "big ultrasound" around 18 weeks again. But this time, instead of planning a nursery, I'll be figuring out if we're keeping a mega wardrobe of girls' clothes or if we're going to consign/donate the whole lot. We'll be looking at double strollers instead of single. We'll be figuring out how to fit furniture and necessities for two littles instead of one in to our tiny condo. The changes go on and on.
And we're only 10 weeks in to this little adventure :)