Siblings: The first few weeks

Elle and Wesley's first meeting was not what I had imagined. Elle had been with several sitters during Wesley's birth, and her eating and sleeping schedule was off, so when they arrived at the hospital around dinner time on that first day, she was tired and hungry. Just before the arrived at our hospital room, Wesley had a huge blowout diaper, and it was shift change for the nurses. The nurses handed me a diaper and wipes and said they'd be back soon, but here I was, four hours postpartum and three years removed from diapering a newborn, not to mention nearly 15 years removed from diapering any boys, and I was face to face with an awful diaper.

As I changed Wesley, he screamed and screamed. I couldn't really blame him. He'd been sleeping most of the day and now I was wiping tar off his rear. Just as I was finishing up, Tim and Elle arrived. Elle looked horrified, managing to get out a disturbed "But why is he crying?" (a question she asks frequently, although she's now able to tune out most of his cries) at the sight of her baby brother. Things didn't get better as I stood up to throw away the diaper and wash my hands and Tim pointed out that I was bleeding all over the hospital floor. It was the first time I had stood up since I'd arrived in my recovery room, so apparently my body didn't like that. At that point, Elle was a bit freaked out - by the crying and the blood. Tim got the night nurse, who came in and helped clean up the blood, and Elle was pretty much over the whole "this is my baby brother thing." She never stopped telling anyone and everyone "I have a baby brother named Weswey," but she didn't seem as excited as she had been.

Opening her present from Wesley.

We ate dinner together and she occasionally asked why he'd been crying or why I was bleeding. She was extremely excited when we told her that Wesley had gotten her a present, and she could barely wait to open it. She was very happy about the bug books she received (similar to some that she reads at daycare and adores) and a Monsters University coloring and sticker book. But really? She was unphased by the grand "introduction to your new family member."

Kisses for her bro!

The next day at the hospital was a bit more of the same - he wasn't crying as much, so she was a bit more willing to look at him and touch his hand. When we came home from the hospital, we stopped to pick her up at daycare. She seemed thrilled to see me in the car, along with the balloons she had brought to us that morning, but she wasn't really interested in the fact that Wesley was in the carseat next to her.

When we got home and told her it was time to introduce her brother to the kitties, she seemed a little more enthused, but still, nothing huge. Her enthusiasm didn't really increase as she watched me nurse Wesley and change his diapers as Daddy took care of bath and bedtime for Elle (roles I handle 80-90% of the time). She wanted to be near him and wanted to bring him everything he might need - toys, blankets, etc., but if he started to cry, she wanted nothing to do with him unless she knew she could play an active role in "fixing" him.

Guess who added Wesley's accessories?

But over the last few weeks, Elle has totally embraced this big sister thing. For a few days, she was confused about the titles of "bro" and "sis" and called me sis and insisted that Wesley was "sis," too. But now she'll talk to Wesley and say "What's wrong, bro? It's me, sis" in a sweet sing-song voice. She constantly kisses him and is always quick to offer him a pacifier or rattle. She's been very well behaved around him (although extremely loud, in true toddler fashion), and she's almost always aware of where he is and knows to be gentle around him. She's helped with diaper changes and baths and even brings me my water when I'm nursing him and can't reach it.

These two are going to be best buds. And mortal enemies.

She's been inquisitive, asking about Wesley's boy parts and what he's doing while nursing, asking to help give him a bottle. She even started to nurse one of her stuffed animals last week - when I asked what she was doing, she said "Giving him milk." I nearly died with pride and from the cuteness.

She's been amazingly sweet and caring, too. The other day we were about 10 minutes from home and Wesley started screaming at the top of his lungs. I knew he was hungry, and I knew that he was going to have to wait. Elle tried to comfort him, telling him "It's OK, bro," and nearly killed me with cute when we pulled in to our complex and she said, "We're home, bud." She gives us a play-by-play on what's going on in the backseat, too - "He's crying!" (duh) and "Mommy, he's sucking his fingers!"  She likes to hold his hand and give him kisses, and she's always super excited when I pick her up at daycare and bring him. She gets very defensive, too, if the other kids at daycare try to touch or talk to "my Weswey!"

Elle's 'Weswey'!

We've tried really hard not to "blame" Wesley for things, like telling Elle we can't do something or she can't have something because of Wesley. I try to phrase things so that we'll do or have something after Wesley is done eating or when we're all ready to leave the house - I don't want her to be bitter. She's had a few moments of pretending to act like a baby or talking about going potty in diapers, and I always try to point out all of the perks of being a "big girl," like eating real food and not having to sleep all the time. So far, she's handled things extremely well. I think I've been more upset about some things than her, like not having as much patience or one-on-one time for the two of us. I've tried to make it a priority to do as much as possible just like we used to or take her out for errands, just the two of us. I've also gobbled up my alone time with Wesley.

Tim and I still find ourselves laughing whenever we say something about "the kids," like "I'll take the kids so you can grab a nap" or "I'll take both of the kids to the doctor's appointment." It still seems kind of foreign that we're responsible for two little humans now. For me, the hardest part is being there physically for Wesley but emotionally for Elle. Since Tim works nights, I'm on my own five times a week for bath time and bedtime. My mom was here last week and was able to help out a lot - I could give Elle one-on-one time and my mom could make sure Wesley was taken care of. But now my mom is gone, Tim is at work and things can get rough. I do not find it enjoyable to balance a nursing newborn in my arms as I pull up the underwear and shorts of my boisterous toddler with one hand. I do not enjoy making dinner with Wesley's screams and Elle's constant stream of "Why? Why? Why?" as my background noise. But we're adjusting, and we're managing.

Elle has been great about it all - there have been nights that I've dressed her in her pajamas as Wesley has screamed his lungs off right next to us, and she hasn't complained. There have been nights that I've read her bedtime story while nursing Wesley and haven't been able to cuddle with her - part of our normal bedtime routine - and she's been a champ about it. There have also been nights that I've ducked in and out of bath time to check on him and her and found myself in tears trying to be everywhere for everyone.

The first few times that we were out and about with Wesley, Tim said he kept waiting for him to take his arms out of the car seat straps like Elle does, haha. It's funny how fast you get used to something and how foreign this newborn thing is even just three years removed from our last (first!) experience with a newborn.