The state of this blog

I've watched many bloggers slow down their posting pace, popping in once every few months with an update and a vague expression of hoping to post more regularly. I've noticed that it often happens soon after the birth of a second or third child, which also naturally goes hand-in-hand with the aging of the oldest child. In most recent months, that's been me, too. I get it - life is busier, kids are becoming their own people, etc.

I've been thinking a lot about the direction and future of this blog and my life as a blogger, and many options and concerns have been rolling around in my head for the last few months. I've considered making it private, or starting a new blog, or just posting updates on the kids to this blog as a virtual scrapbook. The day I read this post by one of my favorite mommy bloggers, my heart sank with sympathy for what she was going through but also in complete shock that my mental battle was one that she was sharing in her farewell post. I don't have the large following that Kate has, and I certainly don't blog as regularly or about as many things that she writes about, but I totally got it, and it bothered me that I really didn't know what I wanted for the future of this blog.

The truth is, this blog was started simply (almost exactly six years ago) as a way for our family and friends to keep up on our rather dull lives. The majority of our loved ones lived far away, and I had spare time to keep up with the major events of our lives as an engaged couple and then as newlyweds. When I was pregnant with Elle, it served as a great way to track observations, developments and random thoughts about our impending roles as parents. When she was born, it was a central place for updates, anecdotes, photos and videos that not only could be shared but also preserved for all time. Today, most of the sharing of our lives is done through Instagram and Facebook in short bursts of easy to handle information or observations. Those social media outlets now serve as abbreviated, real-time blogs.

I absolutely love looking back at old blog posts and am thankful for the electronic journal of sorts that this blog has been. I've tried to continue the updates and highlights in the last two years, but while our life is not always exciting, it's hectic. It's hard to find the time to write, especially when I feel obligated to catch up on blogging about things like holidays, trips, etc. instead of writing about what I'm feeling or want to share. I feel guilty that Wesley's first year is so sporadically captured on this blog. I don't like feeling obligated or guilty about something that was once fun and enjoyable. Life is short, and I don't have spare moments or energy to spend beating myself up about how far behind in blogging I might be at any given point in time. It's amazing how priorities and interests can change, and while blogging was once a large part of my life, writing for public consumption is not something I am finding enjoyable any more.

Two other large issues are at play here, too: My kids are quickly getting older. Elle will be entering a VPK program in less than a month - her first taste of school. She's no longer the infant that said "Baby" as her first word or started walking at 15 months - two very blogworthy things to share that I'm glad to have preserved in this space. Her life is not mine to share with the internet at large, and let's face it - my kids are very much a large part of my life and therefore would be the subjects of (or at least mentioned in) the majority of my future blog posts. And while Wesley is not yet walking or talking, before I know it he'll be heading off to join the world in various ways, and the world doesn't need to know all of his business.

The other issue is that I've had a sizable amount of posts gathering dust in draft form that I don't feel comfortable sharing with the world wide web, either, because they're too honest or too emotional or just share too much about things going on in my life. Writing is therapeutic for me, and I feel that there are things I can't write freely about because I never know who might be reading my deepest thoughts or most superficial struggles, now or in the future. There are - have been, will be - certain details of our lives that don't need to be shared. In general, I'm not a super private person (Tim some might call me an oversharer), but there's a point where even I'm no longer comfortable being public about some of our struggles, goals, dreams, plans - and I've undoubtedly reached it. I hope to write in some corner of the internet for myself, for our family of four, but currently have no plans to expand beyond that. If I would open it up, it would likely be a much more controlled scenario, with access granted only to the friends and family for whom this blog was initially created.

I love the community and camaraderie I've found in the blogging world - so many bloggers and blog posts have offered ideas, empathy, cheer, encouragement and support in the last few years. I'm blessed to call some of them friends in real life and know that our bond transcends the blogosphere. As life has gotten busier, I've had less time to read blogs and even less opportunity to comment on the blogs of those that I still enjoy. I'm no longer interactive like I once was, and that was part blogging that I loved. I hope that I've been able to be a resource to some people and that my posts have occasionally been entertaining or thought-provoking or informational. I'm thankful for this space and the opportunity to share what have certainly been the most life-changing six years of my life.

I'm hoping to post a few past-due monthly updates for Wesley, a birthday party recap and a letter to Elle for her birthday in this space so I can keep them all in one place, but after that, the site will be quiet. I don't have definite plans yet to make it private, although that certainly might happen in the future.