Some times life isn't easy.

Elle had a particularly rough day today. Actually, we've all had a fairly rough last two weeks or so, but the kid totally rose above it today.

Two left shoes are the latest in toddler fashion, right?

She started her day with a flu shot. She watched me get mine a few weeks ago, so we prepared her for "a little pinch and then it's all done." This was the first shot she's gotten in more than a year, though, I think, so she was a little more aware of pain. (But she did get M&Ms to ease her pain.) Then she went to daycare, where the daycare provider realized that she was wearing two left shoes. Elle persevered. She peed on the potty, which was awesome but not as exciting for her as it is for Tim, the daycare provider and I. But after her nap, she was playing outside with the daycare provider's son, and Elle became the star of "When Hula Hoops Attack."  The kids were both trying to do or get something, and the little boy and (his completely accidental use of) the hula hoop won. Elle is fine and doesn't seem to remember that she has a boo boo at all until someone else draws attention to it. Then she's Drama Queen Jr. and mournfully says "It huuurrrttttssss."

When we left the froyo place I couldn't tell
if people were staring at Elle's eye
or the smeared chocolate froyo around her mouth.

Attractive photo, no? And you should see the other guy.

Her day rounded out with another successful trip to the potty, but again, she's not thrilled about this - I think she just slightly prefers emptying her bladder in the appropriate place to peeing in her underwear. I'll take it. (I also got praise today: "Good job not peeing in your underwear, Mommy." Thanks, Elle. I try.)

It's no hula hoop to the eye, but I've been feeling the weight of the world lately, too. I've had a really rough stretch at work and have been waking up in the middle of the night dreaming about the jobs and products that are on my mind all day. I have a hard time remembering that I'm in my bed, trying to sleep peacefully. Then there's the continuing, constant nausea that I'm still waiting to lift (c'mon, kid). Potty training has been no walk in the park, and the first week especially was less than pleasant for me, as I am not the most patient person in the world, and Elle is one of the most stubborn people in the world. The last week or so has finally shown that we're making progress, so it's easier to deal with, but like many parenting challenges and toddler milestones, this has not been easy. Add to all of this some (vague alert) simultaneous uncertainty and potential excitement about our future, and you've got yourself a recipe for a pregnant woman's pending breakdown.

To stave off that breakdown, I had high hopes of going out for a family ice cream night on Wednesday. But a certain toddler of the house didn't eat her dinner and then didn't behave at the mall (where we were getting the shoes that created the "two left shoes of slightly different sizes" issue), so Mommy suffered and went without ice cream. I *might* have whined to Tim about this a few times. But today, even before I found out about the hula hoop injury, I had decided that Elle and I deserved to go out for a special treat while Tim was at work. I think I was more excited about it than she was at first, but she was in heaven as I let her pick out toppings for her froyo and "take big bites" all by herself (against my better judgement).

It was fun. It was necessary. And she more than deserved it. (Baby Bean appreciated it, too.) But hopefully tomorrow is less eventful.

Treading water

I am one week in to my new job. I am four days in to Death Cold 2011. My workouts have been thrown out the window courtesy of these two things. I am approximately eight mentally composed blog posts behind (a weight loss post! an Ohio trip recap! a giveaway! a sappy letter to Elle! all this could be yours if you choose to read it when I eventually post it!). I have about dozen things I need to do, another dozen I want to do, and no clue when any of them will be started, let alone completed.

WHEW.

Things at the new job are going well for only being there a week. I am incredibly overwhelmed - learning such a dramatically different new industry is frightening, y'all. A coworker told me today that I "need to be more confident," that I "know what I'm doing and just need to trust myself." Soooo not true. I'm coming off the confidence of being in the same industry for 12 years, working for multiple newspapers of various sizes in a multitude of positions, circumstances and environments. There, I was confident. Here, I'm scared to death that I'm going to eff something up. There is a lot to learn, and a lot at stake (like, oh, wasted material, money, the company's reputation, etc.) if I do something wrong.

My last job was with a large company. This is a very small company, and there are definite pros and cons to that. I'm thankful that my coworkers all seem great, but it's a major adjustment for me. And being the "new kid" on the small block makes me feel like I'm constantly being scrutinized.

Read: Pressure.

In some regards, though, it's going better than I thought. After the first two days, it was all I could do to take a deep breath and just keep plugging away. The last three days have been spotted with some successes, though, as I pick up on stuff, slowly but surely. I'm shocked that the shift from nights to days hasn't been hard at all (thank you, darling 14-month-old daughter). I'm awake during the day without the help of an insane amount of caffeine, and I even managed to go to the gym before work last week before Death Cold set in (sadly, the gym doesn't look any better at 6 a.m. than it does the rest of the day).

I came down with a runny nose - completely out of the blue - on Saturday. By Sunday, I had a stuffed nose, congestion and a scratchy throat. Monday was full of nose blowing (hi, new coworkers!). Tuesday brought me no voice (did I mention that my new job involves a decent amount of interaction with our clients? Yeah, other people had to take my calls and translate for me). And today I had a lot of nose-blowing, some dizziness and some coughing, but I *sounded* a little better. And now that I'm done breastfeeding, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm medicating the crap out of myself. 

Would you not miss this face?

Provided that I survive Death Cold, I have faith that things will be OK. It's going to take time to adjust to this new life. I miss Elle like whoa. I miss our mornings together, miss getting stuff done around the condo in the morning while she napped. I love coming home to her or picking her up at the sitter's and eating dinner with her (and sometimes Tim, when he can get away from the office). I hate hardly seeing Tim, although it was fantastic to have two evenings at home with him this week. I still have a hard time going to bed early enough (like I should be doing right now). I love being able to put Elle to bed at night. I hate not being able to just run to the post office, make phone calls or schedule a doctor's appointment like I could when I worked nights.

But ultimately, as Modest Mouse says, we'll all float on. Some day (soon, I hope), I'll understand this complex land of my new industry. We'll hit a groove at home. I won't go through a box of tissues a day because my nose is full of snot. I'll blog regularly again. I'll reply to e-mails in a timely fashion. I'll get a massage every other week. OK, just kidding. Honestly, though, we've undergone a lot of change in our household in the last two years - if we didn't know how to adapt by now, I'd be worried.

Off to visit my pillow so my brain can be sponge-y and alert tomorrow!

Rx for stress

I have been stressed lately. (Well, OK, to be honest, I'm always stressed to some degree - it's how I operate.) But I've got some big decisions weighing on my mind, tasks that are piling up, trips to plan,the end of this cold to deal with, and oh, I'm currently working a 14-of-15-day stretch at work.

Today I got up and took advantage of the slightly less humid weather. (We don't really experience spring in Florida - it's more like "three weeks of slightly less hot summer weather before it becomes unbearable to step outside for more than 5 seconds.") Elle and I went for a walk/jog and enjoyed the fresh air. We came home, I put her down for a nap, and then I started to get ready for my day. When Tim woke up, though,  everything he said/the way he breathed/any look he gave irritated me. I realized then that the stress was totally eating at me - I was Snaposaurus Rex in fine form.

But on my way to work, I took advantage of my longish commute and the still beautiful weather, and I opened up the sunroof and blasted some music.

Taken while at a stop light, Mom and Dad.

And with the sun streaming in and my wind whipping around, I felt a little more relaxed and ready to tackle my sources of stress. Rocking out in the car isn't on the top of my list for ways to unwind, but today? It was perfect.