A letter to my pre-mother self

Dear Kristin-Who-Has-Not-Yet-Had-A-Baby (circa 2009),

A few things to know as you prepare to travel down the road of parenthood:

You'll judge other parents (much like you judge those who pick Diet Pepsi over Diet Coke), but you will judge yourself hardest. And in the end, every parent does what they feel is best for their child, and you have to respect that. After all, it's what YOU do, too.

You'll be extremely passionate about choices made in regard to your child and your parenting.

You'll take more photos and videos than you ever imagined. AND you'll think everyone else cares about them as much as you do :)

You'll hear your husband talking baby talk to the cats more than before. And it will make you all warm and fuzzy.

You'll survive natural childbirth. (No, really. You will. You'll even joke about it six months later.) And the linea negra that you think will never go away? After almost seven months, it will start to fade.

You'll hug and squeeze your baby so hard you fear she'll burst - much like the love you feel is going to burst out of your heart. You'll physically hurt when you hear her cry. You'll kiss her face so much that your husband will tell you it's excessive (and you'll tell him he's wrong).

You'll melt for this smile.

You'll be stronger than you thought. More energized (except when you're not). More inventive. (Sometimes you'll rival MacGyver). More hopeful, and simultaneously more fearful.

You'll know your baby's looks, sounds and gestures like a second language.

You'll never be completely rested. Even when you're blessed with a baby who sleeps well at night early in life, the quality and quantity of your sleep will take a hit. And you'll be OK with that.

You'll doubt yourself. The doubts, fears and worries you have will constantly be replaced by new ones. The good news? The joys will also be constantly replaced by new ones.

You'll be impatient. OK, well, you'll remain impatient :)

You'll quickly forget the awe/mystery/discomfort of that seemingly endless pregnancy, and future months will speed by at lightning pace.

You'll learn that your marriage will be stronger - harder, and different, yes - but stronger, better and fuller.

You'll laugh - genuinely, often, and sometimes even at something that shouldn't be funny, like pouty lips with dramatic quivers. Or a startled jump at the noise of a flushing toilet.

You'll lie awake in the morning, not mourning the days when you slept in until noon, but delighting in the soft sounds of the babbles that are cuddled up next to you.

You'll constantly want
to squeeze these cheeks.

You'll officially know that poop after a baby starts solids really does smell a lot worse. You'll smell spit up while you're at work and not be able to figure out if it is somewhere on your sweater or crusted in your hair. When you get dressed in the morning, you'll do so with the understanding that this might just be the first of many outfits for the day.

You'll discover things through new eyes and ears, like the soft fur of a kitty who just happens to be parked on the changing table, or the odd sensation of water dribbling down your face while you're in the bath.

You'll  be uber productive when you get up early and don't nap. You'll avoid trips to Target simply because you don't feel like lugging the car seat around.

You'll sing and dance and do silly things, make silly noises and silly faces, even in public, just to stop tears, head off a meltdown or provoke a giggle.

You'll cherish the special moments more than you ever thought possible. The cuddles will be priceless. The smiles and laughs irreplaceable. The sheer joy in your 82-year-old grandmother's eyes as she meets a namesake will be unforgettable.

You'll tiptoe around when the baby falls asleep while running errands, holding your breath when you bring the car seat through the door, because everyone knows youneverwakeasleepingbaby.

You'll understand, finally, what everyone means when they say it's the "hardest thing you'll ever do, but the most rewarding." They aren't talking about pregnancy, nor labor. They're talking about this parenting thing: the fact that you're responsible for this life you've created - that every choice, from eating to sleeping to immunizing to clothing, is YOURS to make. And possibly screw up. And then ultimately recover (and learn) from.

You'll count your blessings.