Sibling musings.

I was going to post this one tomorrow, but for the next 15 minutes it is still National Sibling Day, and that seems very appropriate :)

I was telling Tim a few weeks ago that I absolutely love the fact that Wesley seems to be awake every night when I'm putting Elle to bed. I love that I can feel him kicking as I read to her, and it makes me think about how bedtimes in the future will be - when they both gather around to hear a bedtime story, when they giggle to each other as they fight sleep.

I had gone through the possible scenarios several times in my mind before our gender ultrasound - Elle with a little sister, Elle with a little brother. Since I have both a big sister and (two) younger brothers, I could relate to either situation. I had no preference, but I think I was more emotional about it than Tim because he has a younger brother, and that's all he knows.

My older sister, me and my oldest younger brother ...
my sister was 11, I was 7 and my brother was 5. Doug was -10 :) 

I'm 90% sure this is our last pregnancy. I was about 80% sure before I found out we were having a boy, but now I'm more sure, knowing that I'm carrying the son that Tim has always dreamed of, knowing that because Tim is almost 13 years older than me I never expected to be having kids for years and years, and knowing that financially, two kids is probably a comfortable number. I'm not ruling out the possibility of a third kid some day, but I don't think it's likely. As one of four kids, that makes me a little sad, but mostly, I'm excited about our kids and the bond that they'll share.

About 10 days before our gender ultrasound, Elle and I were playing in her bedroom, and we were talking about my grandma. There's a photo in Elle's room of me, Elle and my grandma, taken when Elle was about 10 weeks old, during the first and only time my grandma got to see her. I don't remember exactly how it came up, but I told Elle that Grandma Rene's sister had surgery that day and I was praying for her and her family. I found out a few hours later that my great aunt had died - there had been complications during the surgery. I was extremely emotional that night, thinking of my cousins, who had lost their mother or grandmother, and my great uncle, who had lost his wife. I was sad that another key member of my family was gone, and sad that I was 1,000 miles away and unable to be with my family during a time of loss and grief.

But I also thought about the bond that my grandma and great aunt had shared, and that got me thinking about the relationship my sister and I have, and the tie between sisters in general. I cried a lot that night, thinking about what an amazing woman my great aunt was, recalling how she and my grandma were such strong personalities, finding peace in the fact that they're together again. It brought back a lot of the emotions I had when my grandma died. It also reminded me of just how important family is, and the fact that I was carrying part of Elle's family.

As Elle and I talked about Grandma Rene and her sister that night, I tried to explain the bigger concept of siblings to her. I told her that Mommy has a sister. She told me that Daddy has a sister named Mackenzie (not true, haha). But I tried to introduce the concept of "You might have a sister, too. Or a brother."And then once we found out we were having a boy, it took her a while to stop referring to the baby as "my little sister, Wesley."

A few weeks ago: Elle using my baby bump/her sibling as an arm rest.

I'm extremely excited that Elle is going to have a little brother. SHE'S extremely excited that she's going to have a little brother. I treasure the relationships I have with my little brothers, and they have always looked out for me, even though they are 23 months and 17 years younger than me, respectively. I remember lots of things (good and bad, haha) about growing up with a brother close in age. These are the memories I hope Elle and Wesley will have, too. Going through high school is hard enough, and having a sibling two years younger than you in almost all of the same extracurricular activities as you can sometimes feel stifling. At the same time, it was nice to always know where my little brother was, to share groups of friends, to know that some of my fondest memories of band, baseball, newspaper, etc. involve him. After we both went off to college, I think we got closer, as we were both able to find our own places in new surroundings and appreciate the friendship that we shared as siblings. As an older sister to younger brothers, I know that Elle and Wes will share a special bond.

Celebrating my brother's 23rd birthday :)

My youngest brother and I have always been close, as he is very much a "mini me." I was in the delivery room when he was born. Since I went to college close to home, I was able to be around him a lot during his toddler and little kid years, and we have lots of fun memories - road trips, special outings, etc. Things that I'm glad to have shared with my little brother, and things that I will always remember as part of our special relationship.

My youngest younger brother and I at our sister's wedding in 2000.

But I'm also a little sad that Elle is probably not going to have a sister. She won't have that bond that my grandma and great aunt shared. There were definitely a lot of days when my sister and I did not like each other - times when I'm sure she thought I was a pest, times when I thought she was intolerant of a little sister who was following in her footsteps so closely I was practically tripping over her. But I completely idolized my sister and am grateful to her for a lot - from letting me come stay with her during Little Sibs weekend at college to letting me have emotional breakdowns on her couch years later.

Sister sister, August 2008.

We're four years apart, so we didn't always share a closet, but we share a friendship that is unlike any other relationship in my life. For three decades, she has been a built-in best friend - one that I don't have to worry about losing because of distance, life experiences or petty things. She offers me encouragement, sarcasm and doses of reality when needed, and we've shared a lot of awesome experiences (from her helping me plan a wedding from 1,000 miles away to running a half-marathon relay).