Dear Wesley

Dear Wesley,

Suddenly, we're 10 weeks from your due date. Really, there isn't much that HAS to be done at this point - no nursery to decorate, just some modifications to think about making to your sister's current room. No massive amount of baby gear to buy, just the eventual need to locate, clean and prepare all of the stuff we have. No major cloth diaper purchases to research or make. No car seats to research or purchase. No crib or dresser to assemble. No childbirth preparation classes to attend. (I keep wondering if there have been revelations in labor and delivery that I've missed in the last almost three years since I first did it.) In comparison to our experience with your sister, things are pretty laid back, really. Are my toes doubling in size in painful, hot swelling? Yes. Am I physically exhausted without even exerting myself on a daily basis? Yes. But overall? Things are simplistic this time around.

Because things are so different this time (both in the relatively few needs we have for your arrival and the craziness that is working opposite schedules and parenting a dynamic toddler), we haven't done too terribly much to prepare for you yet. I had a lot of fun buying some clothes for you at a consignment sale two weeks ago. Well, as much fun as I could have while shopping with a distracted toddler, but as I frantically grabbed cute clothes off the racks and tried to keep your sister from crawling under and behind the clothes or away from me, I kept marveling at how small everything was and imagined how cute it would look on you. I scored big, and we've already been getting presents and hand-me-downs from friends that make your pending arrival seem very real. We had a LOT of clothes for your sister, and I don't think boy clothing will be quite as rampant, but you'll definitely be well dressed.

I've started trying to wrap up a few bigger projects and straighten things up around the condo before you arrive, but I'm keeping my list pretty short. Truthfully, time and energy aren't in great supply. And in the grand scheme of things, most of my "want to get dones" or "would like to prepares" aren't important. I am excited to have a newborn in the house again ... well, maybe excited isn't the right word, because I'm a little anxious about the whole labor thing again as well as the lack of sleep, constant feeding and other fun that could be thrown in there. But I'm eager. I'm eager to hear the little grunts, see the little smiles, burrito the little limbs and finally meet you.

I said to your dad last night: "Do you realize we'll have to go through teething again?" These revelations kind of pop up in my mind at random times, but we're looking forward to you so, so much. I already feel like the time is passing quickly, and I have no doubt that it will go even faster when you arrive. I feel like it was decades ago that your sister wasn't talking and running around everything. It is even hard to remember her in the crib, and we just got her out of there about three months ago. I just know that we're going to have to soak you up - you won't be inflicted with the high anxiety of a new mom, although I have to warn you (and you probably already know), I am an anxious person by nature. But I don't think I'll freak out about every little thing like I did with Elle. I've already been more relaxed about this pregnancy in general - not that it's old hat, but at least I've been around the block once now. And in regard to bringing you home and taking care of you, I know from experience that this too shall pass and that you won't be ruined forever because we chose to do something this way or that way. (Do I know how things will go when you and Elle share a room or how she'll react to having a little brother? Not exactly. But again, I'm not as worried about it about I would have been three years ago.)

You seem to have tripled in size over night. I remember just a few weeks ago when I could feel you on whatever side I was lying on at night. You'd be there solidly, like you were too tired to fight gravity and just wanted to settle in and get cozy. If I rolled over, you'd shift sides with no fanfare. Now, though, no matter how I am positioned, you are EVERYWHERE. If I roll over, you wake up and start a 15-minute routine of resettling yourself. If I try to curl up at all, I feel kicks and punches and movements of protest, so I give in to the "requests" to give you as much room as possible - I even often have to stand at work because it's just not comfortable to sit. You stretch across my entire belly. While I remember your sister as more of a roller, you are a jabber and a slammer. I don't get the crazy ripples of movement from you that I did from her, but I get sharp limbs jabbing out and pronounced thuds inside my belly. Every movement is strong and quick. Today you seemed to slam repeatedly in to my left side and then just hung out there, near my belly button. I felt a little uncomfortable and lopsided, but you were content to stay there, despite Elle's command to "Simmer down, Wesley!" (I always ask her to tell you to be nice to me when you're doing WWE moves in my belly.) It often feels like you're trying to claw your way out of my stomach, and instead of lazy rolls you do flips, which can be rather painful. But I try to treasure each gasp-inducing movement, because all too soon you'll be out of my belly, and I'll never get this time back.

I have a feeling you'll come at least a few days early, and while I'm counting down the weeks of this pregnancy so we can meet you and start our life as a family of four, I'm extremely aware of how fast the last quarter of your gestation is going to go. With your sister, we had several ultrasounds in my last trimester, and at this point, I'm not sure if we'll get to "see you" again before you're born. I was also preoccupied during my entire pregnancy with wondering when she'd arrive, what my labor would be like, etc. I know that each pregnancy/delivery/baby is different, but I feel like our previous experience gives us a little bit of insight in to how things might go this time, and that brings me some comfort. I still have lots of questions - about how big you'll be, what you'll look like, what you're personality will be like - but for the next 2+ months, I'm going to try and enjoy this time with you safe inside, pummeling me on a daily basis. I love feeling your hiccups, proudly thinking to myself that you're practicing your breathing.

We're all on the verge of beginning this new chapter of life, and while I can't wait for it to begin, the time until then is going to be a weird kind of crazy, too. Your sister loves to kiss my belly and asks about you all the time. Your dad seems to think your kicks are a sign that you're ready for the NFL. (I fear how strong you're going to be in another 8-9 weeks - be nice, please!) Don't come out too soon, but know that we're all extremely excited to meet you!

Love,
Mommy