Elle says the darnedest things ... (v. 7)

I have been collecting these for a while now ... last weekend, though, pretty much every other thing that Elle said was hilarious and quotable, and I found myself jotting down A LOT of funny stuff. I think we're definitely at an age where the conversations are going to be memorable and the insights priceless :)

Tim left to return to work after his dinner break.
E: "Where did Hon go?"

E: "The good news is Wesley is not crying. The bad news is you're not being helpful."

E: "Oh, you ruined my gravy!" (She meant graveyard. Doesn't everyone overturn chairs in their living room and pretend they're graves and yell at their mother when she tries to tidy up the "graveyard"?)

 
E: "Be patient."
Me: "Do you know what 'be patient' means?"
E: "What?"
Me: "It means you have to wait for something. Some people say the waiting is the hardest part. Do you agree?"
E: "I DO agree."

Stylin'.

I was battling a pretty awful cold. Tim came home for his dinner break and told me I looked thin and asked if I had been eating (I hadn't much because I had had no appetite, but not to the point of noticeable weight loss). Then the random compliments continued.
Tim: "Your face looks really clear, too."
Me: "Thanks, but my nose is just probably so red you don't notice any blemishes."
E: "Guys, STOP FIGHTING!"

Dr. Elle Belle: "You're going to be good as better!" (I guess "good as new" is overrated.)

E: "Mommy, I love your purple shirt. It looks pink."
Me: "It *is* pink."
E: "Oh."

E: "Why does Sidney have a tail?"
Me: "Because he's an animal, and some animals have tails."
E: "Do I have a tail?"
Me: "No."
E: "Why do I not have a tail?"
Me: "Because you're a little girl, not an animal."
E (turns her back to me): "But do I have a butt? Why do I have a butt?"
Me: "Hey, Elle, why don't we talk about Christmas?"

And sometimes, she rests.

Elle, talking about some hot chocolate I gave her in a heart-covered mug that Tim gave me years ago as part of a Valentine's Day gift: "I yove you for cocoa. I very yove cocoa. You gave it to me for Valentine's Day!"

E, talking about the story that I told her about the Valentine's Day mug: "Can you tell me that story again?"
Me: "Why?"
E: "Because I yove you!"

Elle had a cold and I was stroking her hair as she tried to go to sleep one night.
E: "Can you stop petting me? It's too tickly."

Listening to Wesley "talk" and explore the noises his mouth can make, I was reminiscing with Elle ...
Me: "Elle, do you know what your first word was?"
Elle: "What? My first word?"
Me: "Yes. Do you know what the first word you ever said was?"
Elle: "Ominous?"
Me: "Uh, no. 'Baby.'"

E: "Sorry Mommy. Is that for me to give you? I mean, do you forgive me?"

Having a tough night with the kids, including an Elle with a cold. She sums it up, though: "I yove Mommy. No one listens to her." 

E, after dropping a toy: "Ugh ... You've got to be kidding me!" (Another new one: "Oh man!")

 

It was "cold" in Florida, so as we were about to head out on some errands one evening I put on a large hoodie that I have permanently borrowed from Tim.

E: "You look like a hockey player." 

 

I told Elle about something that was going to happen tomorrow.

E: "Today?"

Me: "No, tomorrow."

E: "Is it Wednesday?"

Me: "Yes, Elle."

Elle: "Is tomorrow today?"

 

E: "Daddy, can you help put this foot thing on?"

Tim: "You mean shoe?" 

 

I grabbed some Bounty paper towels at the store because they were on sale. Elle told me I needed to get Sparkle (way to go, commercial with the memorable little pixie fairy). When we got home, I asked Elle to tell Tim about what paper towels I was supposed to get.
E: "Use Sparkle to clean big messes without your piggy bank."

 

E: "I have many toothpasteses."

 

Me, singing to the tune of "Won't You Be My Neighbor" at the grocery store: "Won't you be my baby?"

E, without missing a beat: "Won't you get a cookie?" 

Stripes are the new black.

On Groundhog's Day, we were having a random conversation. Elle was having trouble with the concept of time and wanted to know when Christmas was going to be. I was trying to explain that we had several other holidays and birthdays that would come before Christmas and she was frustrated.
E: "But we already HAD Thanksgiving!"

Me: "But those holidays and our birthdays happen every year, once a year. So you have a Valentine's Day, Halloween, Christmas and other holidays every year."

E: "And Hedgehog Day."

Elle had been watching TV in our bedroom while Tim worked in the living room and I put Wesley to bed. I peaked in to find her standing on the bed. When I took her from the bed and told her we don't stand or jump on the bed, she got very, very upset. I asked her what she'd been doing, and she said "But I was practicing flying!" In the words of Elle, "OH MAN."

Elle says the darnedest things ... (v. 6)

Me: "You're driving me bananas!"
E: "You're driving me oranges!"

E: "Is this Daddy's toothpaste?"
Me: "Yes, but don't touch it. It's sticky."
E: "Lemme smell it. *sniffs* You're right - it is sticky."

E, playing doctor: "You're all done with your check up, Mommy."
Me: "Thanks, Dr. Elle Belle. Will I be OK?"
E: "Yes. ... Maybe."

Elle checks for my "heart beep." She also diagnosed Wesley with Spittyittotis.

We were talking about going to see fireworks at the beach for Independence Day. I wasn't sure if Elle would be scared or love them, so I was trying to prepare her for the possibility of us not going by telling her that the weather might not be good.
Me: "I wonder what the weather at the beach might be like. It might be windy, or sunny, or rainy, or too sandy."
E: "Or fireworky."

It's going to be a fun one today based on this convo with Elle about a balloon we got at the store yesterday:
E: "Why is my bayyoon not fyoating?"
Me: "Because it takes a special kind of air to blow it up called helium. They sell helium in a tank at the store, and we don't have a helium tank here."
E: "But why is my bayyoon not fyoating?"
Me: "Because we can't just blow it up like other balloons."
E: "Do they have fish at the store?"
Me: ... "Oh! No, not a fish tank, Elle. A different kind of tank with special air in it."

Me: "That's a pretty awesome breakfast."
E: "It IS pretty awesome."

Me: "Please don't argue with me. Do you remember what quarrel means?"
E: "What?"
Me: "To fight or argue."
E: "No!"

Me: "Elle, can I please fix your hair?"
E: "In a minute, honey."

E: "You're just the sweetest Mommy in the world, aren't you?"

E, for the millionth time: "How do monsters burp?"
Tim: "Why do you keep asking that question?"
E: "Because. It's just the way I am."

Wesley and I were putting Elle to bed, and he fell asleep while I read her a few books.
E: "I wanna hold him."
Me: "Why? He's asleep."
E: "But I deserve to!"

Practicing her tummy time.

E: "Mommy, do you see that sun on that stopbus?" (She meant 'bus stop.')

E, watching me itch my leg where I had some bug bites: "Stop scratching! You're going to make it worse."

E: "Daddy, do you know why you're wrong?"
Tim: "Why?
E: "Because you're singing the wrong song."
Tim: "No, I'm not."
E: "Yes, you aren't."

Tim: "Elle, why are you combing your hair with your spoon?"
E: "To make it pretty."

Elle says the darnedest things ... (v. 5)

E: "Mommy, why are you making me mad?"

E: "Mommy, Sydney is a girl."
Me: "Yes, your cousin is a girl."
E: "I have a kitty named Sidney."
Me: "Yes, and he's a boy. You know how we call him Sidney Boy?"
E, pauses: "Mommy, Sidney not a boy. He's a kitty."
Me: "Yes, but he's a boy kitty."
E, talking about our other cat: "Mario is a boy."

E, frustrated that I had left her in another room and told her to stay there: "But Mommy, you're not being my best friend."

Me: "You're soggy!"
E: "Where's the sog?"

Explaining her painting:
"But Mommy, you have to try something new."

E: "Who's my favorite little brother?"
Me: "Who, Elle?"
E: "Wesley?"

E, sing-songy and dancing around the kitchen: "I've got a new cousin! I've got a new cousin!"

E: "I'm Elle Belle the Great Magitician! Where's my magic cape?"

E, asking about Wesley: "Why doesn't he know anyting? ... Why is he scared of everyting?

While playing an imaginary game on our complex's tennis courts:
"I'm the best winner!"

"Look at what I just did - is that cool, dude?"

We spent some time at a friend's house, and Elle was obsessed with the toys my friend's cat had. I told her we had some at home (although the cats normally aren't big on playing with toys, so they aren't usually out). Elle was entranced and couldn't wait to share with the kitties: "Sidney, look at dese! They're special for ya."

"It's an emergency - we have to go to Pizza Hunt."

E pretends to take a photo of Tim with an old cell phone: "Oh, that's great!"

Me: "Elle, your belly is huge."
E: "Yeah, it's bigger than I thought it was."

Tim gave Elle a Cadbury egg and told her it was a chocolate egg filled with cream.
E: "If I eat this, then I'll be a queen?"

The concept of a braid is seriously confusing her ... she keeps saying "is that my brain?" Or "did you put my brain in?"

E: "What's in your belly? Is it Weswey?"
Me: "Yup - he's getting big and strong, and then he'll come out to meet us."
E: "I so excited!"

E, after patiently watching the Belmont Stakes with Tim and I: "That was a very fun race — can we watch Sprout now?"

Me, asking if Elle wanted to spend time with one of her favorite babysitters: "Elle, do you want Ashley to come play with you tomorrow?"
E: "Yeah! ... Where are you guys going to go?"

E: "Are you done arguing with me?"

I poured water over Elle's head in the bath to rinse out her shampoo, and apparently she was not in the mood for it.
E, sputtering: "This ... is ... ridiculous!"

E: "Stop coffeeing me!" and "Mommy, I'm coffeeing you!" (It's COPY-ing, sweetie ...)

Elle: A Teenage toddler

At two months shy of her third birthday (!), Elle is a complex little person. She's definitely figuring out who she is and where she stands in the world, and it's fascinating to watch her develop, learn and explore. Boundaries are questioned, buttons are pushed and emotions flow like a river, but I love watching how she picks up on things, makes connections and asserts herself.

Elle is never short on attitude (no idea where she gets it). But lately she's been dishing out the 'tude at times when it just cracks us up and showing her strong-willed, dynamic personality in new ways.

Some examples:

Tim was telling Elle about some construction work that is being done a few blocks from our house. They drive by it at least once a day, so he asked Elle "What do you think they're digging?" Elle replied with a bored "I don't know. Maybe we can talk about it later?"

Elle was trying to climb some rolls of wrapping paper in our bedroom. I kept asking her to stop and told her it wasn't safe. She kept telling me they were a ladder. Finally, Tim called from the other room: "Elle, what are you doing?" Elle responded with the highly accurate "Making Mommy mad."

We've also been served with an impatient and/or excited "What are we waiting for?" Like if I tell her we're going to have a special treat later that day, she replies with a breathless "What are we waiting for?"

Love this little monkey.

And to show that she's not only got teenage attitude but also some manipulation up her sleeve, she very innocently and casually suggested "Hey guys, let's have some more" a few weeks ago when we gave her a piece of chocolate after dinner. The careful and hopeful delivery had Tim and I busting up, and now she knows that she'll get a laugh out of us any time she says it :)

I also feel like we've got a mini-teenager on our hands in other ways. She is obsessed with hair bows. She is opinionated on what shoes she wears and makes observations on who or what her outfits match. She's obsessed with Taylor Swift's "Trouble" and Katy Perry's "E.T." (Side note: There is nothing cuter than hearing her sing along to these songs. There is nothing less cute than hearing her beg and whine to hear the songs.) She loves having her nails painted or seeing the nail polish on other people's fingers.

We've reached a cool age where Elle likes to act things out, from her bath toys to her stuffed animals to discussions she initiates with the cats. Last night, she played doctor for a while, saying "I have a diagnosis" and naming some of her princesses after various doctors (some real, like her pediatrician, others imaginary). Then she quietly said "I yuv you, yittle princess," and I melted.

She says "Yeah" like she's Little John - I have no idea where it comes from, but this is what it sounds like most times:

We love how she always says "ya," too: "I'm gonna take a picture of ya." "I'm gonna kiss ya." "I wanna hug ya." 

She knows when she's being good and cute and knows when she's misbehaved or disappointed us. She frequently asks "Are you happy?" when she knows that we're decidedly NOT happy with the way she's acting. I feel like we've had the "terrible twos" pretty easy until now, and for the last quarter of the year she's going to try real hard to "catch up" (this will likely turn in to an entire post on the banshee-like tantrums that she has recently started throwing).

But for as opinionated and stubborn as she is, she's also extremely sweet and adorable. She accidentally kicked me in the face the other night as I put her socks on, and she quickly said "I'm sorry, Mommy. Aren't you glad I didn't kick Wesyey?" She's protective of me and her little brother, "guarding" us from another kid at daycare by throwing her arms around my belly and saying defensively "My mommy! My Wesyey!"

I took her with me to my 32-week appointment - she'd been to the pediatrician the week before, and I wanted her to see me interacting with a doctor in a positive way and wanted her to be involved with Wesley's nearing arrival. My appointments aren't normally scheduled at a time that are convenient for her to go with me, but we lucked out on this one. I figured seeing the doctor and watching him check me and Wesley might help her understand a little bit about what's going on. She told me she was going to protect me (since I had to "protect" her during her appointment the week before), and she was great. She told everyone who came near her that she didn't need a check up and followed it with "I have a little brother named Wesyey."

When the doctor came in to listen to the heart beat and check my measurements, though, Elle got a bit argumentative and bossy. She had a photo album with family snapshots in it but when the doctor called it a photo album she insisted they were pictures and not photos ... then when he measured my stomach she said "Hey! I can't see!" and later tried to tell him her heart was in her stomach (let's hope she doesn't plan on becoming a doctor).

She also started calling Wesley "yittle fella" last night:. As soon as I started filming, she wanted to see the camera and was uber distracted, but you can still get a basic idea of how cute it was from the shaky clip :)

 
This age? It's exhausting, trying and bipolar. But it's also hilarious, fun and rewarding.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

I needed to post this before I forgot it happened or convinced myself it was a pregnancy-related hallucination.

About three weeks ago, Tim told me that he couldn't find his wedding ring. He often takes it off when he works out, but it wasn't in any of the usual places he keeps it. He's also lost a few pounds in the last few months, and he said that it had been slipping around a lot lately. He was worried it had slipped off completely without him noticing. I was upset but held out hope that he'd find it.

Our rings on our wedding day.

A few nights later, he told me he'd thought a lot about it and thought maybe it had slipped off while he was doing laundry. Yes, he was pretty sure it must have come off and slipped down the side of the washer or dryer.

This would have been awesome news except the way our washer and dryer are set up would require three grown men and/or an act of God to get them to move or lifted in order to check for the ring. They're wedged in to a utility closet in our condo and are side-by-side with about two inches of total wiggle room. Given that I am nearly six months pregnant and also not three grown men to help him, I wasn't sure when we'd be able to search for the ring.

I had pretty much resigned myself to having a husband without a wedding ring for a while or having to go buy a new one at our jeweler. Neither of these options thrilled me, but there wasn't much I could do about it.

Last night, I didn't feel well - I was having weird stomach pain and was exhausted, so I crashed on the couch and slept fitfully. I woke up several times, including when Tim came home from work at 2 a.m. He got some food to eat and settled in to watch some TV. I continued to doze and drifted in and out of consciousness.

I remember becoming much more alert when I heard a "HON. Guess what I just found?" and realized he was talking to me. I mumbled a "What?" and opened one eye to look at him.

He'd found his wedding ring. In the middle of the night. While eating a post-work snack.

Where did he find it?

In a bag of pretzels.

IN A BAG OF FREAKING SOURDOUGH PRETZELS.

This is remarkable on several levels, most notable to me the level where he usually does not finish a box/bag of food and we end up with crumbs of chips/cereal/etc. that would go untouched for months if I let them. Apparently we had hit a level of sourdough pretzel desperation that prompted him to eat to the bottom of the (several week-old?) bag and discover the ring that had been gathering salt and pretzel dust for quite some time. The fact that the bag wasn't thrown away without a second thought is nearly as astounding as the fact that the ring was found there. I still can't believe it.

As I texted my sister and a close friend this morning to tell them the lost ring had been located, I continued to wonder if I had dreamed it or if he had actually found the ring in a bag of pretzels. I then remembered heading to bed at 3 a.m. and hearing him mutter something about how weird it felt to be wearing his ring again. I may or may not have kicked him at that point.

This story will live forever on the blog, but I also will not let him forget it any time soon. He had to take one of our cats to the vet today for a follow up check on an ear infection. The (rather large) cat carrier he'd used to take Sid to the vet last week had been in our (rather small) living room all week (we usually keep them on our lanai but knew the appointment was coming up, and Elle has taking to "playing vet" and stuffing plush animals in to the carriers, so we let it stay inside between appointments).

I came home today to find our other cat carrier in the living room. I called him to ask why he'd gotten the other carrier out, and he said he hadn't been able to find the one he'd used last week, so he grabbed the other one from the lanai.

I looked at the two cat carriers that monopolized the floor space in our living room as I asked with a smile: "Really? You couldn't find it? ... Did you check in the pretzel bag first?"

Yup. Never going to let this one go. But I sure am glad Tim has his wedding ring back - he's mine, folks. Allllllll mine.

Elle says the darnedest things ... (v. 4)

Tim: "Elle, it's a touchdown!"
E, eating dessert: "I'm busy."

E: "Where's Daddy going?"
Me: "He's going for a run, like a chump."
E: "I want to run like a chump too!"

E: "I yike diamonds." (We were coloring and she was asking me to draw shapes, but still ... I think we're in trouble.)

Me: "Elle, who is your best mommy?"
E: "Daddy."

E: "You're a good friend to me, Mommy."

E, frequently, in a sweet voice: "I loooovvveeee you, Mommy. CanIplaywiththeiPad?"

E, addressing her various bath toy ducks: "There, there ... it's all right, Elle Belle's got you."

I gave Elle a thumbs up for peeing in the potty. She said "Thumbs up!" I repeated, "Thumbs up, peeing in the potty!" E: "I not peeing in the potty. I'm Elle Belle."

Me: "I love you."
Elle: "I love you too, but you have to listen to me."

E: "I want my blankie."
Me: "Did you know I had a blankie when I was little? It was green."
E: "Green?"
Me: "Yes, with flowers."
E: "With flowers?"
Me: "Yup."
E: "But now you're a mama?" 


Minutes after talking about how we needed to replace a burnt out light bulb:
Me: "Elle, what should we have for dinner tonight? Tacos?"
E: "Yes, light bulbs." 

Elle was watching the iPad and was apparently way more distracted than I realized.
Me: "Elle, are you hungry?"
E, without looking up: "I love you, too, Mommy." 

Tim threw a small pillow to Elle and told her to catch it. 
E, completely missing the pillow: "Can you catch it to me?" 
Me: "Elle, Wesley can catch better than you."
E: "Yes, he can teach me how to learn!"

Me: "Elle, what are you doing?"
E: "Just being crazy."

Overheard from the toddler in the bathtub: "I'm going to tell my duck all about my secret fart."

E: "Mommy, can you walk on your pitty toes?" (I made her say it like five times before I told her it is "tippy toes," but I like her version better.)

Elle says the darnedest things ... (v. 3)

Tim, singing to Vanilla Ice: "Stop - collaborate and listen."
Elle: "No."

Tim, starting to sing to Vanilla Ice again: "Stop ..."
Elle, channeling her inner MC Hammer: "Daddy Time."

Anytime I say "Stop - collaborate and listen," Elle says "Daddy says dat."

Elle takes off sunglasses and hands them to Tim. "I want to go to the park with my eyes OPEN."

"If you're happy and you know it shout hooray, hooray! If you're happy and you know it shout ... my feet hurt."

Elle can now wink, although
it's a pretty intense process.

I clear my throat.
E: "Mommy's sick!"
Me: "Elle, sometimes people cough even when they're not sick. You cough, right?"
E: *coughs*
Me: "Are you sick?"
E: "Yes."
Me: "What do you have?"
E: "The hiccups."

Apparently explaining who I was to the cashier at Target: "This is my friend, Mom."

"Bubble bath, bubble bath, give me something good to eat."

I was putting Elle's shoes on and football was on the TV.
E: "What's dat?"
Me: "That's the Packers. See that guy? That's Aaron Rogers. He's a baby. He goes 'whhhaaaahhhh.'"
E: "He wants his mommy."

E: "I want to wake up Daddy!"
Me: "Do it nicely."
E, yelling in Tim's face: "BOOOOOOOO!"

E: "Is that my candy?"
Me: "Yes, those were Skittles, but no, you cannot have any right now."
E, as if coming up with a brilliant idea for the first time: "Skittles?"

One can never overaccessorize?

I took E to Sears for a special portrait event with a "Rebel Rider" theme. I wanted to get photos of her taken with a mini-motorcyle to give to my dad for Christmas because he has a motorcycle. They had quite a spread, including removable tattoos and a leather jacket/bandana/sunglasses ensemble. I put a flower tattoo on Elle's upper arm, and for the next few days, she'd periodically look at it and ask what it was. I told her it was hibiscus. When I took the tattoo off a few nights later, she grabbed her arm and said "Where's my biscuit?!"

E: "I'm two. ... What's yours?"

Me: "You mean, how old is Mommy?"

E: "You're 28."

Nice, kid.

E, talking to herself about Mario: "He got down. He was NOT listening to Mama."

E, calling to me as I walked ahead of her: "Wait! I have to listen to you!"

E, finding a plastic pig she hadn't played with in a while: "It's my pig! His name is Babe. He loves to run and do the hokey dokey." 

E: "Mommy, can you sing 'Reindeer Nose?'"(aka Rudolph)

Elle had been sick with a bad cold but asked for a treat for dessert:
E: "Ice cream?"
Me: "I don't think that's a good idea for your tummy."
E: "But it's a good idea for my mouth! ... Daddy, can I have ice cream?"
Tim: "No, Elle, that's not a good idea."
E: "It's not a good idea for my tummy, but it's a very good idea for my mouth."

Elle says the darnedest things ... (v. 2)

The funnies have been piling up again, and even though I'm sure I'm forgetting some, here are some of Elle's recent funny moments and one-liners:

E, to Tim about some fruit she was eating: "It's on sale."

E: "Let's go to the Mommy-Mommy store."
Me: "What do they sell at the Mommy-Mommy store?"
E: "Ummm ... Thomas tracks?"

"Daddy's a big boy. I'm a big boy, too!"

"I'm gonna help Mommy, too!"

Me: "Hey Elle, we should go to the beach this weekend."
E: "I wanna go to the beach, too!"

Joyfully: "We're at the mall!"

My compassionate little funny one.

"It's OK, Mommy. Here's a toy."

... soon after that, she was whispering to Sidney (our cat) as I was fake crying: "Mommy's OK."

"Cupcapes."

"Monkey, monkey sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the horses and mommies again, couldn't put Monkey together again."

Hickory Dickory Dock = "Tinky Winky Dock." (Darn Teletubbies ...)

"Nemo nemo meinie mo."

"Sit on the couch watch TD with Mommy the Reds?" (Meaning: "Mommy, will you sit on the couch with me and watch the Reds on TV?")

"Cincinnati!"

"Go Reds!" (whether it be baseball or golf)

"Go Buckeyes!"

In the reflective plate of the bathtub:
"Hi! I'm swimming!" ... "We're going to have fun today!"

"Just a little minute! ... I'm making dinner."

Me, bending over to put her shoes on: "I hear your belly."
E: "I hear my farts."

"Mommy, do catch ups!" she said as she pulled on my hands to get me in position for push ups.

"I'm going to sit here real fast."

Fake coughs :: "I have a sick."

Towering. Duh.

"I'm towering," she said as she stacked blocks.

"Mommy, hear the doggies woofing?"

"I'm sweaty. I AM sweaty."

"This is a little one rock."

"I farted in my crib."

"Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o. On that farm he had some flowers ... with a smell smell here and a smell ... (realizing this is going nowhere fast) Had some kitties! ..."

Me: "Elle, what should Mommy do tonight?"
E: "Ummmm ... laundry?"

We were finishing dinner, and I was about to take Elle's plate when I realized she was talking quietly. She took her tortilla, spread it over the uneaten cheese from her sandwich, and was whispering "Sleep tight. See you in the morning!"

Elle was nomming on the legs of a plastic princess bath toy.
Me: "Elle, that can't be good. Is that yummy?"
Elle: "Mmmmm ... tastes like mustard."

"I'm so tired."

Me: "Elle, see that tow truck over there? See how that car is going up on that truck?"
Elle: "Wow ... that's a really good idea!"

Not such a "really good idea."

"Sit/play/draw/share wif me!"

"Mommy, will you come over here on this floor?" (asking me to leave the kitchen's tile floor to join her on the living room's carpeted floor)

Every time she sees someone new: "Hi! I'm Elle Belle. ... I'm Elle Belle. ... I'M ELLE BELLE!" until they acknowledge her.

Standing on my legs after her bath:
Me: "Elle, what are you doing?"
E: "I'm upping!"

"What doing, Mommy?"

"What's Elle Belle gonna do?"

"Mommy, are you driving?! Go faster!"

During an incident where she earned the nickname "Smell Belle":
Me: "Elle, are you pooping? Do you want to go sit on your potty?"
E: "No, Mommy. You stay over der. (a few seconds later) I soooooooo stinky!"

Elle says the darnedest things ...

It's been hard for me to come up with a format for this post, but I've been compiling Elle-isms for the last two or three months and realllllly just need to publish them before she turns 2. I'm sure the funnies will only multiply over the coming years, but there are some things that she has said or done that I just don't want to forget. I tried to give context where possible/necessary, but sometimes she just throws out a one-time, one-liner or I can't remember exactly what happened before she laid out the humor.


In summary, this kid cracks us up constantly.

After grocery shopping, she picked up a cantaloupe. Before I realized what she was doing, I heard a thud - she'd chucked it across the kitchen like it was a plastic ball. 

After dinner a few months ago, we were playing with her blocks, and she decided she wanted some of them to go on her new train. Normally extremely good with pronouns, she kept asking for my assistance, saying "Mommy help you?" At one point, after I helped her, she said, "Thanks, sweetie."

Robots = "ebots"

She was making some weird noise, and after I told her that she sounded a seagull, she ran down the hall shouting "I'm a seagull, Sidney!"

Talking to herself in the nursery: "I'm going to read you a story. Baby bear, baby bear, what do you see? Mama Bear!"

Elle has this Grover microphone and apparently thinks that my hair dryer looks just like it. Grover says "Let's rock!" on the toy (below). Elle loves to go through my gym bag, and she constantly pulls out the hair dryer and says "Mommy rock and roll!"

"Oopsie daisy!"

"Good job, Mommy. Good buckle."

"That's an orange diaper ... not blue. Not green. Just orange."

She sings parts of this song any time we put her in a disposable diaper: "M-I-C, K-E-Y. Why? Because I yike you! M-O-U-S-C."

"Too youd."

Elle, pointing: "Bug bite."
Me: "No, Elle, that's your nipple."

"Ouch. I'm hurting."

"... 8, 9, 10. ... I forget."

Olive oil = "Mommy's syrup."

"Boom in the curtain." = I was showing Elle a thunderstorm one night and now she thinks they live in her curtains. Luckily, she's not afraid, just very aware of this.

"No monkeys. They're dirty." Elle's response when I asked her what pajamas she wanted to wear - apparently she thought the monkey PJs were in the hamper.

I've been joking that Elle thinks she's Kanye West. Many of her declarative sentences are along the lines of "Imma go see Daddy" and "Imma run down the hall."

Tim: "Elle, are you coughing?"
Elle, in a bored, you've-got-to-be-kidding-me tone: "Yes, Daddy."

We usually listen to Elle's music in the car, but one day Tim played his satellite radio. Elle said, "I like Daddy's music, too!" (Although the next time they were in the car she requested her songs and said "Daddy's music later.")

Apparently I often tell Elle that "It's not funny." You know, like when she refuses to get out of the bath tub, or she's taking her shoes off and we're already five minutes late to leave. She used to just mock with me with "It's not funny!" But now she's started responding with the grammatically incorrect: "It's IS funny."

Elle and I were in the bathroom and we heard one of the cats vomit. (It's sad that my child identifies the noise with a plaintive "Kitty puke.") When we went to find the location so I could clean it, though, Elle started saying "Kitty puke, where are you?" in a sing-song voice.

When you ask Elle how old she is, she says "Good." Eventually she'll tell you that she's one. (One time she answered with "I'm probably one.") Then she'll start her own little dialogue: "How old is Mommy? Mommy 31. How old is Daddy?" And she forgets how old Daddy is. I caught her on an off day, though, and as she remembered how old she was, she forgot how old Mommy was and finally said "Mommy thirty old." Sigh. Thanks, kid.

"I yike it chocolate milk."

"Oh, ice cream. It's so good."

Any time she farts or poops: "Mommy/Daddy smell you?" The only thing funnier than this is when she bends over to try to smell herself.

I don't curse much, but I've tried especially hard to make sure I don't slip up in front of Elle. I was in the kitchen a few weeks ago and was having trouble with something - I think I was cutting something for dinner or had dropped something - and under my breath, I said "Frickin' A." Elle heard me in the other room and cried "Broken egg!" Tim nearly died laughing. Now whenever Tim is frustrated with something, he shouts "Broken egg!" And the little miss quickly echoes him.

I'll often say "Who wants (fill in the blank)? ... I do!" and Elle will echo it. We've had many a "Who wants to go to the park? I do!" or "Who wants lunch? I do!" I was making dinner one night, and Elle pitifully called out "Who wants hungry? I do."

Mispronunciations: Dinder. Yunch. Finnder. (Translation: Dinner. Lunch. Finger.)

Helping me unload the dishwasher, handing me utensils: "One for me, one for you." And "I'm helping Mommy!"

If she wants something and doesn't feel that she's being appropriately responded to, she'll call Tim or I "Hon" or "Babe."

Me: "I love you, Boo Bear."
Elle: "I love you, green bear."

Me: "Ohhhh, Boo Bear."
Elle: "Ohhhh, orange bear."

I'll take compliments whenever she dishes them out, although admittedly this was an odd one: "Beautiful arm!"

Singing the Teletubbies theme song: "Tinky Winky, Pepsi, Laa-Laa, Po."

Our funny, funny girl

Elle's vocabulary and communication skills have majorly progressed in the last few weeks, from advanced to advanced-er. (I know, more advanced. I know, I know!) Her personality is more obvious and entertaining every day, and I find myself trying to remember funny things that she's done every day. Here are a few things that I'd like to remember forever:

We were grocery shopping last weekend, and Elle said "'Cuse me." I figured she had farted and was happy that she'd excused herself. But then, seconds later, the solemn accusation: "Mommy farted."

Tim took Elle to a baseball game on Monday - just a few innings, but it was Daddy/daughter time. Before they left, Elle was excitedly standing near the door (she's a big believer in "Ready go! Ready go!"). She saw Tim coming down the hall and said "That's my daddy!" I nearly melted (but kept myself together so I could enjoy two hours of having the condo to myself). 

I heard Elle talking to some of her stuffed animals one night: "Hi guys, it's me." A few minutes later, she walked down the hall and said "Hi Daddy, it's me, Elle Belle."

Little girl is in love with "sungasses":

Elle's love of shoes continues, and we've introduced a Florida staple: Flip flops. Or, as Elle calls them, "bop bops."

Every time Elle talks about the Easter Bunny, it comes out "Easter Money."

I asked her what she wanted for breakfast this week and she said "candy."

When Tim gets ready for work, he turns on some music for Elle, puts her in her crib with some toys and books and tells her he's going to take a shower. Elle was playing with two stuffed cats last night, and I heard her telling them "I'm going to go take a shower, OK?"

She's creative, curious and experimental ... one night last week I found several toys that didn't belong in this:

I told Elle I needed to blow my nose, and Elle started running down the hall, enthusiastically calling "Come on! Come on!" for me to follow her. She led me all the way to the tissues.

As I rocked her before bed tonight, Elle kept saying "Open wide!" to her Big Bird stuffed animal and poked around in his mouth

Elle loves to narrate our noises and actions: "Mommy growling! Mommy yawning!" Another favorite? My fake crying. It cracks her up every time to see Mommy get emotional. So, "Mommy crying," big fat hahaha.

Tim hates that I often say something is funny and don't laugh. He contends that if it was actually something I found to be humorous, I would laugh, not pronounce it funny. But Elle has started the proclamations, too, saying "That's funny." She does usually pair it with an adorable giggle or irresistible smile, but it's often the initial "That's funny, Mommy" that does me in.

She's a Sesame Street-loving drama queen:

Elle is loving her new childcare arrangements. She talks about all of the kids and adults constantly, loves to tell me that one of the girls is "too loud! Ella too loud!" and remembers a day last week when the kids played on the trampoline with water. (Mere mentions of the trampoline prompt "Jump! Jump" from Elle.)

I scored some awesome deals at Old Navy again last week, and this time, I found two sets of pajamas for Elle for 97 CENTS EACH. (LESS THAN A DOLLAR.) But I would have paid full price for them, just to hear the way Elle says helicopter, the object that is all over the pants and the central image on the pajama top.

Elle is usually pretty agreeable about holding our hands when we're out walking. She'll often reach up to me and say "hold Mommy's hand?" and I happily oblige. The only problem is that she likes to hold on to one finger. This wouldn't be a problem except sometimes she loses her balance or stops suddenly, and I fear that Tim or I are going to end up with a dislocated finger.

Dislocation danger.

Saturday morning

A glimpse at the beginning of my Saturday morning:

Wake up to sounds of cat puking. Ignore it, go back to sleep and hope that it will magically disappear.

Wake up again to sounds of happy, babbling toddler. Listen to early morning rendition of "ABCs."

Hear more cat puke. Get out of bed.

Clean mounds of cat puke, then retrieve now unhappy toddler (she heard someone cleaning cat puke and not coming immediately to get her) and place her on the potty.

Play peek-a-boo (or "peek-a-who," according to Elle) with toddler's blankie. Discuss the fact that Mommy has two "yips" (lips) on her "mouf" (mouth). Exit the bathroom for a diaper change.

Deny request of beans for breakfast. Serve "blackaberries" instead. Am informed they are made of chocolate.

Chocolate blackaberries.

Smile when toddler echoes mocking of her "blackaberries" pronunciation and repeats "Ella Bella" - what I've decided is her new, Italian and French nickname. 

Second toddler's cheers when coffee starts brewing.

Shake head when toddler randomly starts saying, quite emphatically, "kitty poop!" from the high chair. (Make mental note to not thank Tim for explaining what the litter box is for to a curious Elle.)

Beam with pride and joy when she says - unprompted this time - "'cue me" (excuse me) after farting, and later burping.

Nod in agreement that Daddy *is* in the dark, as Daddy is still sleeping (and snoring, for the record).

Go back and forth with "nope" and "yup" as an argument commences over whether Mommy's shoes are too big for Elle. (I'm the "yup" side.)

Listen to "Oh my darlings" sung by toddler who is obsessed with the Sing-A-Ma-Jig that sings "My Darling Clementine."

Say "Oh man" when toddler drops a book and laugh when she keeps repeating "Ohhh me! Ohhh me!"

Toddler collapses suddenly to find "dis boo boo" on her knee - a scratch from earlier this week that she apparently forgot about until this second.

Give toddler raspberries on her belly, delight in her giggles, then ask for and receive a "kiss on da yips."

Write blog post to remember all of the funny moments of the last hour, then prepare for day of errands, time with friends, baking and more memories - a day that will leave me (more) exhausted, happy, accomplished and most of all, thankful.

Healing and humor

My husband is a funny guy. So funny that not even 24 hours after he had surgery to remove "The Bump," he was taking photos of his head dressing to text me, just to make me laugh at work.

I received this photo with the text "Baby and I are playing Revolutionary War."

He dug out my flute and took several photos to get just the right angle. Apparently the baby wasn't playing Revolutionary War - she was playing "put morsels of cat food in the cat's water dish while Daddy isn't watching." I strongly dislike that game, but I have to admit, Tim gets an A for effort and creativity. (And perhaps a C- in child-watching for the morning.)

Tim's recovery has continued from his "war days." About 10 days after Tim's surgery, he had half of his staples removed. Here is a picture from the night before they were removed - the swelling of the area had gone down, but there is definitely some bruising here:

Since that area is delicate, they didn't want to remove all of the staples at once. Tim went back five days later to have the rest taken out - this is from two days before, with some of the staples remaining:

His hair is growing back in the general area they shaved. He refuses to get a haircut, though, so the rest of his hair is ridiculously long and shaggy, as you can see above (and keep in mind this scraggly photo was from two weeks ago). The hair isn't growing back on the line where the incision was, but we aren't really surprised about that. He also doesn't have feeling on a portion of his scalp, but the doctor told him that it is normal and could last for up to a year.

Priness Elle Belle

This past weekend, I went through all of Elle's old clothes, from newborn to 12 months, and I sorted them much better than I did as she outgrew them, then packaged them up in those nifty vacuum-sealed bags to help free up some of our storage space. (Part of my third goal for 2012.) I pulled out the outfit she came home from the hospital in, lovingly folded the onesies she wore in her newborn photos and pulled out a few pieces of clothing that I can't picture any other baby wearing, like this sleeper:

Side note: How did my toddler ever fit in those adorable, teeny-tiny clothes?!?

I sorted out the gender neutral clothes from the girly girl clothes. And I found very random holiday outfits and accessories, from bibs to hats. Including this one:

Elle loves the hat, regardless of the fact that it is wayyyyy too small for her head. She grabs it and says "Princess?" all the time now, which I think is something she got from a headband that my sister bought for her - we called her a princess whenever she'd let us put it on her.

But back to the Christmas hat.

Tonight Elle was carrying it around, saying "Princess?" She then repeated what I said to her: "Princess Elle Belle."

This was followed by a definitive, rapid-fire string of comments from the little princess: "Princess Elle Belle. Ho ho ho. Santa? Ho ho."

I'm a bit bias, and my daughter might be a little confused in regard to hats, nobility and holidays, but Princess Elle Belle is a bit of a royal genius. AND super cute.

Recent funnies

Elle and I were looking at family photos on Saturday night. I showed her our nephews/her cousins, and we looked at Sam's picture first. Then I said, "And there's Cal." Elle responded with "moooooo." Apparently "Cal" sounds a lot like "cow" to Baby Girl :) (Like sea cows go "moo" and sea horses go "neiiggghhhh," according the Elle.)

* * *

We were running some errands and she kept spotting "Melmo" (Elmo) at Burlington.

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Elle is constantly pointing out the bear ("burr") on her potty ("boddy").

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Elle loves when it's time to brush her teeth. The funniest part is that she likes to mimic tooth brushing. Why is this funny? Tim and I have electric toothbrushes. Sooooooo ... she makes a tooth-brushing motion and a "bzzzzzing" noise :) Video evidence, because it's pretty stinking cute:

* * *

Tim cracked me up with a series of text messages after he put Elle to bed the other night. He channeled our days of sleep training (and a few nights of CIO). He told me that Elle was talking in her crib, not sleeping. I love it when she does this, and I replied with "Eh, let her chat." He responded with "I'm going in. Talk-it-out is not for me."

* * *

Poor Elle is having a hard time with one particular animal. She thinks it's funny when I make a "hee-haw" sound ... but she doesn't get the idea of a "donkey." To her, it sounds like "doggie," so she responds with "Woof!" Or, if I try to enunciate, she goes with "Oo, ee, oo, ee!" for a MONkey.

Something that made me laugh.

I was shopping on Sunday for a cheap windbreaker of sorts - I am looking to layer . I was prowling the clearance racks of TJMaxx and Marshall's and couldn't resist looking at home decorating stuff, too. I was standing near the clearance candles when I heard this exchange:

baby cries in double stroller, which also holds her 2ish-year-old brother
Mom: "(Baby Girl), why are you crying?"
Brother: "She's crying because I bit her. I bit her foot."
Mom: " ... what?!"
Brother: "I bit her foot. Right there." (points to foot)
Mom: "Why did you bite her?! You're not allowed to bite."
Brother: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I bit you. Stop crying!"
Mom soothes daughter.
Brother: "I said I was sorry. Geez. Stop crying!"

I had to leave so the boy (and mom) wouldn't see my face.